Where was I?

 (Warning:  blogger has three days of stored-up bile)

Of course I'm disappointed.  So are the NYPD, who have been standing around in riot gear for two days with nobody to club or tear-gas.  Their union endorsed him, so fuck them.

Life goes on.  In Virginia two determined prisoners broke out of the Newport News Jail Annex using a toothbrush and other hand-made tools.  They headed straight for the IHOP, where they were promptly re-arrested.  All that effort and skill for some pancakes.  IHOP should use it in ads.

"A giant whale sank a sailing crew's boat in the Pacific Ocean...[in] an ordeal that could have come out of a novel," the Guardian breathlessly reports.  Except that the crew were enjoying a vegetarian pizza with ranch dressing and were promptly rescued by the US Coast Guard, it's Melville word for word.

The Alex Murdaugh murder trial got such high ratings, prosecutors are looking for a spin-off.  The death of 19-year-old Stephen Smith in 2015 was ruled a hit-and-run but is being investigated as a homicide.  There are probably other deaths in South Carolina which may as well be added to the pile.

With slime like Ari Fleischer getting in their last licks, it's satisfying to know that the truth is finally being aired about Reagan's dirty deal with Iran to keep the American hostages from being released until after the election.  Two surviving hostages told the Dallas Morning News some of what they endured and they're in no mood to forgive after more than four decades.  They were screwed and so was Jimmy Carter and so was America.  Truth will out.

"I love Trump, like as a person.  I think Trump is funny and insightful."  Who said it?  Yes, that was Tucker Carlson, henceforth to be known as Kiss-and-Make-Up Tuck.  The fact that Trump is stomping DeSantis in the Republiclown polls probably has nothing to do with it.

That could change as word spreads of DeSantis's time as a JAG officer in Guantanamo who apparently enjoyed observing the force-feeding and other forms of torture endured by prisoners.  This will surprise no one who has followed the Governissimo's career of bullying and abusing LGBTQ people, teachers, librarians, asylum seekers, public health professionals (apart from bozos like Joseph Ladapo) and anyone else who can't fight back.  It's become a party of sadists.

When St. Patrick's Day coincides with spring break it brings a perfect storm of violence to Miami Beach.  Mayor Dan Gelber had to impose a state of emergency after one person was killed and businesses and cars were attacked.  Any thoughts, Governissimo?

In Maine, of course, everything is going so well that the state is cracking down on custom license plates, for which drivers pay extra.  A vegan named Peter Starostecki will have to relinquish LUVTOFU because someone decided it celebrates sex rather than bean curd.  And so what if it does?  Nearly three hundred plates were recalled because, as Tom Lehrer said, filth is in the mind of the beholder.  

Jenna Bush Hager has three children but, as she revealed on The Today Show, her first pregnancy was ectopic, requiring the removal of one fallopian tube.  Luckily for her Roe v. Wade was still in effect, so even if it happened in Texas she would not be looking at prison time.  Or dead.

Speaking of unfortunate pregnancies, Jamie Comer, chair of the House Overlook Committee and scourge of Hunter Biden's penis (eww) had a girlfriend in college.  Suppress your gag reflex.  Her name is Marilyn Thomas and she told a reporter for the Louisville Courier-Journal that Comer hit her and also accompanied her when she went for an abortion.  It sounds like something that should be -- what's the word -- investigated.

An awful lot of people have no fucking clue how government works, and this time I'm not talking about "three branches of government" Tuberville.  ("Uh, the offense, the defense and the special squad?")  Squeaker McCarthy is afraid federal money is somehow being channeled to the Manhattan DA's office, three Republican chairmen want DA Bragg to testify about his "politically motivated" prosecution of Trump, and now Tucker Carlson has called on Joe Biden, no less, to stop Bragg's "Soros-funded prosecution."  Separation of powers, anyone?  States' rights?  Hello?  What does he think Biden is, the governor of some failed state who can hijack the Houston Independent School District or appoint his flunkies to oversee a private corporation like Disney?  Imagine the howls of "Tyranny!" if he did.

According to George Conway, who may not have the freshest information, Trump wants to be perp-walked in handcuffs to "inflame" his MAGAts.  I'm actually fine with inflamed MAGAts.  But why stop there?

No bail, either.  He's got a plane and who knows how many passports (Russia, Saudia Arabia, North Korea) -- he screams "flight risk."

It's been several weeks since a critic of Putin died a questionable death, and Dmitry Svirgunov a/k/a Dima Nova's, was reminiscent of Rasputin -- he accidentally fell through the ice of the Volga River.  It's not known if the pop singer was poisoned, bludgeoned or shot first.  Vlad's war is going splendidly, especially the T54/55 tanks being reconditioned for action.  They did really well against the Panzers at Kursk and gave those unarmed Hungarians hell in 1956.

Some happy news to end:  a contingent of Proud Boys was routed at Drag Story Hour NYC, hosted by New York Attorney General Letitia James, last Sunday.  The Boys really should have learned the history of the Stonewall Inn, where drag queens drove back New York's Finest in 1969.  It was a week after Judy Garland's death and the ladies had no more fucks to give.

Sorry about all the swearing.