The third call

 Who is David Ralston?

According to the grand jurors who spoke -- anonymously and discreetly -- with the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, he was yet another victim of Trump's election interference and desperate attempt to hijack the 2020 election.  His official job is Speaker of the Georgia House of Representatives, so of course he is a Republican.  After Brad Raffensperger Trump called Frances Watson, the lead investigator in the Secretary of State's office, calling her "Frances" and turning on the old charm which always works so well (see Access Hollywood).  Ms. Watson was non-committal.  So he called the Speaker, who according to the grand juror shot him down like a Chinese weather balloon.  "I will do everything in my power that I think is appropriate," he said, leaving Donnie with nothing to add but "Well, thank you."  Georgia's sixteen electoral votes remained in the Biden column where they belonged.  Today's all-caps rant about "RADICAL LEFT DEMOCRAT PROSECUTORS" sounds like the last drops of gas in his tank.  I can't find a picture of Frances Watson, which is just as well considering what the grand jurors had to say about bomb-sniffing dogs and SWAT teams, and what witnesses like Shaye Moss, Ruby Freeman and Tricia Raffensperger described to them.

Not that Agolf Twitler has ever learned anything, but today's lesson is DON'T TRY TO STRONGARM A SPEAKER.  It didn't work with Nancy Pelosi or Rusty Bowers.  They're not impressed and they record your call.  Might work with Squeaker McCarthy, who's barely alive.

Of all the weird shit happening in Florida, and it's the undisputed Land of Weird Shit, the government's fixation on menstruation is perhaps the creepiest.  (This week.)  First the state wanted girls who take part in high school sports to provide information about their periods, a requirement which was dropped in the face of a backlash.  (They still have to prove they were female at birth, a whole other obsession.)  Now state Rep. Stan McClain (guess) wants to make it illegal for girls to discuss their menstrual cycles with school officials.  Beardy Stan is adamant that he'd be fine with a girl asking for an emergency tampon -- he just doesn't want any of that sinful sex ed going on.  ("I can't take phys ed today, Ms. Jones, and I can't tell you why.")

 "Worse than an anal fissure," in fact.  According to her brother Earl Spencer, that's what Princess Diana really thought of Trump.  Of course he's a WOKE LEFTIST EARL!!, or he will be as soon as the anal fissure finds his phone.  Apparently he was using her name to peddle some real estate in New York, if you can believe it.  I believe it.

It's a long way from the lucky Georgia 14th but Margie Greene has appointed herself supreme commander of the southern border.  After she announced that the Border Patrol had found a bomb there in January, the BP had to explain that it was a bag of sand, one of the many things Margie is dumber than.

Anal fissure and pre-coup tour guide Barry Loudermilk, another Georgia genius, was pretty scared on January 6.  Not Josh Hawley or Andrew Clyde crap-your-pants scared, just apprehensive that those tourists he showed around the previous day might not recognize him when their MAGA blood was up.  He's determined to get to the bottom of all the security failures caused by Nancy Pelosi and her refusal to call out the 101st Airborne Division, which is a thing Speakers can do.  In Barry's clouded brain, anyway.  He wants Pelosi to testify and so do I, provided C-SPAN is in the House.

But Asshole of the Day -- sorry, all of the above -- is Ari Fleischer, who you may vaguely remember as George W. Bush's press secretary.  Fleischer went on the SpongeSean Squareface Hour to trash Joe Biden but he couldn't stop there.  Not only can Biden do nothing right, says the man who lied daily about Saddam Hussein's yellowcake uranium and WMDs, he's just as bad as Jimmy Carter.  "Joe Biden is acquiescing America's strength.  [I don't know what it means either.]  The last president who did that was Jimmy Carter.  The era we live in now feels an awful lot to me like the late seventies, which don't forget was followed by morning in America" and the glory that was Ronald Reagan, and Sean just sat there waving his big square face up and down.  They can't even wait for Carter to die.

Runner up:  Wisconsin state representative Donna Rozar, who said, "I have had friends and family members who have been a victim of rape, not of incest but of rape, and that pregnancy was carried to term.  There was support there."  Not even a little incest?  How about your male relatives -- any of them get raped?  Don't leave us with all these questions, Donna.  Were you raped?  Would you recommend it?

Anal fissures everywhere.