Under water

 Everyone here at the Organization has a cold, so this may not be brilliant or even coherent.  As other organizations tell you with perfect insincerity, we apologize for any inconvenience.

In today's installment of The Adventures of Congressman Munchausen, "George Santos" (as his alter ego Anthony Devolder) is accused of passing bad checks to some Amish dog breeders in Pennsylvania and then telling authorities he worked for the Securities and Exchange Commission.  Something to do with his phony charity Friends of Pets United, which -- look, are we sure there's only one George Santos?  It seems like it would take a whole syndicate to commit this many atrocities and invent this many lies.  

A Brazilian gun-lover named Leandro de Novaes killed himself in a most gun-ish way.  Novaes, a lawyer who wrote about guns on social media, took his mother to a Sao Paulo hospital for an MRI.  He followed instructions about removing all metal objects from his pockets but somehow forgot the gun in his waistband.  The powerful magnetic field yanked it out and it went off.  He died three weeks later. 

The ass-kicking Joe Biden administered to the Kongressional Klown Kaukus on Tuesday night has frightened the party's propaganda division.  Biden's interview with Fox Soul, the sensitively named streaming service aimed at African Americans, has been cancelled, lest his message of legislative accomplishment and confusion to the foe reach a wider audience.  More time for commercials.

The object of this week's Two Minutes' Hate is Yoel Roth, who headed Trust and Safety when Twitter was owned by reasonably sane people.  At a session of James Comer's Irrelevant Yowling Committee, Margie Greene declared herself "DISGUSTED" by Roth's doctoral dissertation "Gay Data" and its suggestion that minors have access to dating apps like Grindr.  Greene then went on SpongeSean Squareface and asserted that Roth's laptop is equally DISGUSTING and probably full of kiddie porn, which all the gay men love.  Neither Hannity nor Fox had a problem with that; her next appearance is probably scheduled.  The supposed reason for these "hearings" is of course Hunter Biden's laptop (henceforth HBL) and how Twitter conspired to hide its horrifying contents to steal the election from Trump, and other fantasies.

The US Navy has a new regulation, the soon-to-be-infamous OPNAVINST 1730.1F.  Basically, it requires that all recruits advise the commanding officer of their religion.  The Navy refers to this as "Spiritual Readiness."  In order to fight you are expected to have "a connection to the divine" and "participation in a community of faith."  So much for Article VI, Clause 3 of the Constitution ("no religious Test").  Carlos Del Toro is Secretary of the Navy and his number is (703) 695-3131.  This smells of Trumpism and he may not have noticed it.  Give him the benefit of the doubt.

The Air Force popped another balloon 40,000 feet over Alaska before Sarah Palin could complain about it because it posed a threat to aviation.  The Chinese are not taking calls from Lloyd Austin, so at least we have learned that they have caller ID.

Well, it's eleven minutes past five at the Big B and here comes a golden oldie:  Trump has dusted off the story of how he and his crew of "hundreds" rushed to Ground Zero on 9/11.  It's not clear why, since it's not September and nobody is paying much attention to him anymore, but drive-time is lie-time.  Weather and traffic coming up...

Trump and his drunken ex-doctor Ronny Jackson are tag-teaming Rihanna because she spray-painted "FUCK DONALD TRUMP" on a car at Amarillo's Cadillac Ranch.  "Without her 'Stylist' she'd be NOTHING.  Bad everything and NO TALENT!" screeched the noted music critic.  Nevertheless, she's the Super Bowl halftime act and they can both schtup mud.

 How was Kevin Seefried to know the Confederate flag is associated with sedition and racism?  He's from Delaware.  But he carried it into the Capitol and tried to assault Officer Eugene Goodman with it, and now he's going to prison for three years.

It's strange how racism, antisemitism and gun-love seem to arrive in the same package.  A Colorado gun lobbyist named Kevin Lorusso told the state legislature that gun-death statistics would be much lower "if you remove Black males in that age group" (children and adolescents), presumably because Black Lives Don't Matter.  While people -- all right, Democrats -- struggled to process that, he blindsided them by adding, "I cannot fathom why someone would say, 'You know, the Jews would've still died in the Holocaust, so maybe they didn't need their guns.  You know what?  Maybe they should have taken a couple of Nazis out on the way."  At that point, I would have called a recess and reached for a Valium.

According to FEC records, Trump creamed off nearly a million dollars donated by suckers to fund lawsuits, the Georgia senate runoff and other causes.  That's all?  Really?

There are limits, even for Floridastan.  Student athletes will no longer have to answer questions like "When was your most recent menstrual period?" and "How many periods have you had in the past year?"  (How would the state know?  Did they have to submit used tampons?)  But female athletes still have to offer proof that they were born female and are not an abomination in the sight of god who should be stoned to death.  Seems like a lot of Big Brother intrusiveness just to play volleyball.  

My new best friend Tristan Snell: