The mirror crack'd

 

I'm confident that no presidential candidate in a century has kicked off his campaign by referencing "the late, great gangster, Alphonse Capone!"  As in he has more lawyers working for him than Big Al.  Trump seems to find this praiseworthy.  Like Capone, his guilt is not in doubt but it may yet be necessary to ignore all the sedition, treason and serial rape and convict him of tax evasion.  This is what happens when you activate your thumbs without engaging whatever brain you have left.

Instead of the vast hate parties of 2020 he's booking smaller venues to make the "crowd" look bigger, like a high school auditorium in Salem, New Hampshire, followed by the South Carolina statehouse.  He'll probably head for a Chik-fil-a in Zanesville, Ohio, next, and J.D. Vance will think of a reason not to join him, like Tim Scott and Nikki Haley.  As Big Al knew, you can't trust nobody to be loyal.

Trump must be broken out with skin eruptions from the pressure of all the pending indictments because he's wearing more makeup than Gene Simmons gets through in a national KISS tour.  The ravings are familiar yet dialed up to eleven.  Wind turbines "kill all the birds, destroy all the planes, and our beautiful oceans and seas and everything else."  I remember when they just caused cancer.  If you want to become an American citizen, "go to the southern border, just walk across the line," a previously unknown clause in the Fourteenth Amendment.  (Trump still has all the best words -- he invented the word "caravan," no matter what the dictionaries say about its Persian origin --FAKE ETYMOLOGY!!)  Just three more weeks in office and he would have completed WALL, and not with ugly shipping containers like that loser Ducey, who refused to find him all the votes in Arizona.  Also he could still order Putin to stop the war because puppets tell their ventriloquists what to do, like in that movie Dead of Night.  Etc.  Time called it "a standard Trump speech, but with a more uneven pacing and a little weirder and meandering."  A little weirder?

"I am more angry now and I am more committed now than ever."  So all that about Capone and turbines destroying planes and instant citizenship was not a display of Trumpian wit?  And the inability of the Taliban to fight at night because they lack "binoculars"?  He wants a "new credentialing body" which will certify the "patriotism" of teachers and fire "pink-haired communists" -- I have no clue where that came from but I know teachers in the Third Reich had to spend a month in Nazi boot camp.  

"World War III would be a catastrophe unlike any other," he proclaimed, and it's hard to argue.  And of course it's going to be Joe Biden's doing.  When he's swept to power he will build an "impenetrable dome" to protect the country for which he has nothing but contempt.  Israel has a missile defense system known as the Iron Dome and it's possible he thinks it's a real dome.  Or he wants to revive Reagan's "Star Wars," which consumed billions of dollars and never worked even in tests.  Or he doesn't know Israel is about the size of New Jersey.  

Oh, yes, Hunter Biden's laptop.  It's going to be an entertaining year.