Sunday close-out -- all sales final

 Close readers may recall that last summer we proposed the term "Alito abortion" for the act of "forgetting" an infant in a hot car.  It hasn't caught on but the good faith-based people at the Satanic Temple are thinking along similar lines and announce The Samuel Alito's Mom's Satanic Abortion Clinic.  The ritual will be performed in New Mexico, next door to a very different theocratic state.

It's funny, but they're as serious as an ectopic pregnancy.  Keep looking for that leak, Shecky.

Some deep thinker at Newsmax was saying Maxine Waters and Whoopi Goldberg should emigrate to Africa so they'll appreciate America more.  At the same time the Klown Kaucus began sporting assault rifle lapel pins to show everyone what depraved, sick idiots they are.  Suggestion:  Why don't they catch a flight to Mozambique?  There's an assault rifle on its flag:

...a Kalashnikov, if I'm not mistaken, like the ones your boy Putin sends to Ukraine with his stumblebum army.  The official language is Portuguese and I'm sure "George Santos" will teach you a few basic phrases, like "I do not eat goat" and "Please drive me to the airport, I want to go home."

Bad scary balloon all gone, shot down off the South Carolina coast so it didn't fall on anybody's garden or important defense installations like Fort Sumter.  Happy?

Trump is just not giving up on his ridiculous lawsuit against Hillary Clinton, et al., because that would be an admission that she beat him again.  He tried to post $1 million bond while appealing the sanctions his lawyers were assessed.  A clearly impressed Judge Donald Middlebrooks called him "a mastermind of strategic abuse of the judicial process," and the only word he heard was "mastermind."

Brexit has damaged the UK economy perhaps irreparably, but there was some good news -- apparently it has ruined business at the Trump Turnberry Eyesore Golf Course.  At least according to Eric, and you know what a lying sack he is.  The low, low pound was supposed to attract more visitors, but Brexit also makes it hard to hire help and increases the cost of imported products -- just as it does for the rest of the country.  Expect Daddy to deny he ever called it a "great thing" and then blame Eric or Boris or Farage or Nicola Sturgeon or Peter Strzok or wind turbines.  They destroy planes.

Clearly running on fumes, "George Santos" told donors he produced the flop musical Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark.  Turn off the tap, whatever your name is.