International Butt-Ache Day

 Do you live a mile from potable water?  Have men dressed in black bombed your daughter's school?  Have you waited months for a covid shot while American hospitals throw away vaccines too old to use?  Take a number, we have people with real grievances today.

Elon Musk is whining about having to recall half a million Teslas because they emit obnoxious noises ("preset or custom sounds") which could confuse or disorient pedestrians.  "The fun police made us do it (sigh)" he tweeted.  The fun police presumably did not cause the recall of 27,000 cars over windshield defrosting problems, 817,000 cars with a seat-belt activation flaw, 500,000 cars with front hood-rear camera problems, and 50,000 self-drivers that did not quite stop at intersections.  Buzz-kills, or just a shitty car?

Eight Republican Senators have written to Merrick Garland grousing about Delta's request for a no-fly list which would be a perfect Venn diagram for their loose-brained voters.  "Creating a federal 'no-fly' rule for unruly passengers who are skeptical of this [mask] mandate would seemingly equate them to terrorists..."  Yes, and?  "Skeptical" doesn't quite cover assaulting flight attendants, disturbing other passengers and trying to open emergency doors mid-flight, often forcing diversion to other airports than the one where normal people were expecting to make a connecting flight.  "Unruly" is more like getting drunk and taking your pants off or occupying the toilet with a friend for half an hour.  These people are terrorists and you people are their enablers.  Give them directions to the nearest Greyhound terminal.

For example.

When a crime scene becomes a restaurant, expect to be ripped off.  That's what happened to a woman who ordered the $18 Caesar salad at Gianni's in Miami Beach, where Gianni Versace was murdered in 1997.  In short, terrible food and such small portions.  The epitome of first world problems.

Elsewhere in Florida the passion of the privileged continues:  Melania Trump is disappointed in the media for trying to "cancel" her and the "hopes and dreams" of children over her fake charity "Fostering the Future" (what does that even mean?).  In the wake of the "Trump Foundation" and Eric's supposed golf tournament to support St. Jude Hospital, it's not entirely her fault that when the words "charity" and "Trump" appear together, suspicious minds envision money laundering or worse.  But Florida still has no record of her enterprise.  

Charlie Kirk of Turning Stomach USA is having trouble getting lunch, too.  He went into a restaurant in his home state of Arizona, if you please, and they asked to see proof of vaccination.  Charlie immediately had a flashback to 1935 because it was "literally, no exaggeration" like Nazi Germany (or the DDR, he's not sure).  Show us your papers!  The same thing a traffic cop says when he pulls you over for a broken tail light, or one of the TSA Gazpacho when you want to board a plane, or even (in Arizona, I'll bet) if you want to vote.  Woke liberal tyranny, because restaurants are all agents of the government, I guess.

When it comes to fine whine, Mar a Lago is THE vineyard.  After a week of bad news from his lawyers we've all been waiting for Metamucilini to snap and he didn't disappoint.  The Bad Guy (a judge said so!) spewed a three-hundred-word aria of confused blame and insult, climaxing when he accused Hillary Clinton of "breaking into the White House, my apartment, buildings I own, and my campaign," where she ran amok flushing documents down the toilets and smashing Barron's Tonka trucks.  The closing section about "an unconstitutional attack on our Country" really should be set by Andrew Lloyd Webber in Puccini mode.  

Postscript:  A catastrophic wind storm in the British Isles tore the roof off London's O2 Arena, which opened in 2007.  Buildings from the sixteenth century are fine.