Festivus is here!

 As usual, I have a lot of problems with you people.  Let's dig in.

Sexual harassment -- mostly of men harassing women, if we're honest -- continues to be a problem, but it should not be an attention-seeking technique.  If you have been victimized you have a responsibility to be specific and prevent it happening to others.  #MeToo should not be used to sell books (Houma Abedin) or keep your face in the papers between movie roles (Naomie Harris).  A lot of women risked careers to stand up to Andrew Cuomo.  Name names or STFU.

Speaking of the ex-governor, we know a lot about people from how they treat animals.  Junior Trump likes to kill them to assuage his feelings of inadequacy (his father won't even take his calls).  Ted Cruz left his dog in an unheated house while he sunned himself in Mexico.  When Cuomo departed the executive mansion he didn't even bring his dog Captain.  When you guys get to hell, Messer Alighieri says there's a dog called Cerberus waiting to greet you.

Categories are important, people.  They are the mortar that holds a society together.  Last week C-SPAN promised to carry "the memorial service for Bob Dole."  No.  According to Abigail Van Buren, it's a funeral if the guest of honor is present, a memorial service if he isn't.  You don't like it, take it up with Dear Abby.

Still in Washington, when did all this "leader" shit begin?  As in a tweet from "Leader McConnell."  It's creeping fascism, and why am I not surprised?  It's particularly grotesque when describing Kevin McCarthy, last seen hiding under his desk rather than referee between Teargas Mace and Musclebound Marge.  When Lyndon Johnson was undisputed master of the Senate, you know what he was called?  Senator Johnson.  If it was good enough for LBJ it's good enough for Chuck Schumer.  Johnson would have made Joe Manchin soil himself.

In the name of decency you have to stop comparing your hate-filled selves to Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, or actual victims of the actual Holocaust.  Wearing a mask on a plane is not remotely like being forced to dig your own grave in the forest.  What went wrong when you were born?

On a completely related note, KNOCK IT OFF, YOU ANTI-CHOICE MISOGYNISTS WHO CALL YOURSELVES THE SUSAN B. ANTHONY LIST. 

Once more:  movies are released.  Books are published.

I don't want anyone using the word "'tis" unless discussing the sequel to Angela's Ashes. 

Same goes for "white Christmas," as in, "will we have a white Christmas?  I hope we have a white Christmas."  No, you don't.  Snow is dangerous, treacherous and frankly a pain in the ass.  It has to be shoveled, plowed, driven on, and people get hurt.  It doesn't exist to be decorative, it's frozen water on its way to becoming filthy slush.  You want a white Christmas, buy some of that stuff in a can that probably causes cancer and spray it all over your windows.  You'll only have to clean it off.  Fuck Irving Berlin, and while we're at it, he can shove "God Bless America" up his ass.  Look at this, now I'm mad at Irving Berlin.  It must be time for the Feats of Strength.