Infamy

Eerily timed to coincide with the eightieth anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor,  a homeless man named Craig Tamanaha was arrested for setting fire to the aluminum Christmas tree outside Fox News.  He is well known to the police after many arrests for low-level offenses and reportedly suffers from mental illness, but the Fox crew are already re-making him as the Marinus Van der Lubbe of lawless, leftist New York.  Ainsley Earhardt knows the rot doesn't end with honorary Squad member Bill DeBlasio -- this conspiracy goes all the way to Joe Biden.  She appropriated his campaign slogan to assure grieving viewers, "We are going to build it back better."  (How you build a Christmas tree is a little unclear.)  "This Scrooge is not going to get away with it."  Say what you like about old Ebenezer, he was no arsonist.  In fact, he'd be glued to Fox News all day, especially the stories about how raising the minimum wage is Communism.

And speaking of misers, a metal tree, Rupert?  Alimonies starting to bite?

Fox Nation was already on edge after Pete Hegseth reported on "Black Lives Matter trying to destroy Christmas as we know it."  How?  Through their dastardly campaign "Dreaming of a Black Christmas," which encourages Black people to spend their money at Black-owned businesses.  The carnage.  Nothing this awful has been proposed since, let me see, the 1960s when Malcolm X urged the exact same thing and not just at Christmas.  Before that for about a century Black people had no choice about where to shop, since they were only welcome at Black-owned businesses (except for sharecroppers who had to run up bills they could never pay at landlord-owned stores).  I think Hegseth is mostly enraged that Black people have surplus income to spend on the holidays and it isn't all going to Macys or L.L. Bean.  Relax, Pete, if enough white people refuse to be scared away from the malls by the media's relentless wailing about inflation, all those merchants will survive.  

And speaking of interracial shopping, the Justice Department has again closed the Emmett Till case.  If only there had been a Black-owned store in Money, Mississippi in 1955.

That wasn't even the dopiest thing on Fox News.  Baby Tuckoo's very special guest was Oswald Mosely impersonator Nigel Farage, and they bonded over the sad story of Tuckoo's nameless friend who got covid and was "emasculated...it feminized him, it weakened him as a man."  (Sounds like a good reason to get a vaccine.)  Before that he was one of those big, strong guys who used to come up to Trump with tears in their eyes and either beg him to stop the antifa terror or thank him for being so stupendously wonderful.  But Tuckoo wasn't finished.  He more or less ordered President Biden to quit the saber-rattling and leave poor Vladimir Putin alone because "he just wants to keep his western border secure."  But will 120,000 troops be enough to protect Russia from those savage Ukrainians?  Putin must be remembering Poland's sneak attack on Germany in 1939.  Never again!

Also, the US diplomatic boycott of the Winter Olympics in China is bad because Trump isn't doing it.

There's good news for Fox News and for the right in general:  America is experiencing a silent epidemic of lead poisoning among its children.  "As a society we're losing IQ points," said Tom Neltner of the Environmental Defense Fund.  It's like covid last year -- as long as you don't test for it, it's not a problem.  

The Christmas spirit is not apparent in Oakland County, Michigan, where James and Jennifer Crumbley have hired a couple of "high-powered attorneys" to represent them on charges of involuntary manslaughter.  They were not so generous with their son Ethan -- the court had to appoint a lawyer for him.  Hey, he already got his present.