Wednesday winners

 

This is James Dale Reed, 42, captured on a Ring door camera at 4:30 in the morning.  Reed dropped off a note at a house in Frederick, Maryland, with a Biden/Harris lawn sign.  It read, "This is a warning to anyone reading this letter, if you are a Biden/Harris supporter you will be targeted.  We have a list of homes and addresses by your election signs.  We are the ones with those scary guns.  We are the ones your children have nightmares about..." followed by some threats to sodomize Harris and beat Biden prior to "executing" them on national television.  Some other people with scary guns have now taken custody of Reed because FREE SPEECH FIRST AMENDMENT! apparently cuts no ice when you threaten somebody with a Secret Service detail.  Too bad, James, you should have stopped at "targeting" the homeowner.  Now your children, if any, will have nightmares.  But congratulations, because the Buttermilk Sky Organization has chosen you as its DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK.  You have a rich fantasy life, James, and we envy it.  Now don't you regret not wearing a mask?

Man from USSR springs "honey trap" on clueless American involving underage girl -- is that how Putin came to own Trump?  It would be irresponsible not to speculate.  Was it the inspiration for "Borat Subsequent Moviefilm," in which the documentarian from Kazakhstan introduces his fifteen-year-old daughter to Rudolph Giuliani?  Who can say?  These October surprises are almost too rich for my arteries.

Overheard in the Great Hall of the People:

President Xi:  I've had it up to here with this Trump clown.  I know, elections, but now he wants us to give him a Three-Gorges-Dam-ton of money because he says we caused the pandemic.

Finance Minister Liu Kun:  Forget it.  Did you see the thing in the Times about how much tax he pays us?  I couldn't believe it, I had to look it up.

Xi:  Oh, right.  All those development deals and I don't see one of his crummy hotels.  So...lunch?

Liu:  I feel like Mexican.  Speaking of which -- some great wall he's built, huh?

Lawyers at the firm Jones Day have donated $90,000 to Biden/Harris and $50 to Trump/Pence.   It's amusing because Jones Day are Trump's lawyers to the tune of $4.5 million since 2019.  How do you say "My client is an asshole" without breaking confidentiality?

In keeping with his "Amtrak Joe" image, and with a nod to Harry Truman in 1948, Joe Biden leased a private train for a tour of Rustbelt states.  I think he likes trains.  But several Republican members of the House Committee on Transportation and Infrastructure see this as a dastardly plan to make the Trumpandemic worse.  They think Biden's fancy train will obstruct freight traffic and slow delivery of PPE and other important goods.  Actually, it's Amtrak that's always being shunted aside for freight.  This is not one of those first-world countries with special track dedicated to bullet trains.  Also, did he get a discount?  How much?  They think throwing some money at Amtrak in a time of layoffs due to fewer riders is a disgrace.  Also, Republicans as a species do not like trains and have been trying to kill Amtrak for years, so maybe stop the fake outrage?  Jeez, you guys are dumb.  James Dale Reed dumb.

A dumb Englishman pried a possible Banksy stencil off a wall in Brighton and took it to be valued by an expert on Antiques Roadshow.  No dosh for him.  Banksy has safeguards.  Banksy thought this might happen.

Remember newspapers?  Remember when their endorsements mattered?  To date, two "major" papers have endorsed Trump, and one of them is owned by Sheldon Adelson.  The other is the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette.  And speaking of Arkansas, even Trump-mad Mike Huckabee says it's time for Sarah's former boss to get over his Hunter Biden obsession.  

Watching Barack Obama speak in Philadelphia.  Damn, that man could sell me Brussels sprouts.  I hate Brussels sprouts.