Do you believe in magic?

 It's not the Fake Chinese Flu that has Trump looking so exhausted and weak and in need of extra layers of Clown Orange. It's having to do so many jobs.  Like sorting out the facts from the fiction, as Rob Brydon says on that panel show, and explaining what is and isn't news.  And even though it has killed north of 225,000 Americans, covid is not news.  It's so not news that even talking about it "should be an election law violation!"  They're only doing it to make him look bad.  And he will never come closer to owning any of those 225,000 deaths, so relish it.  Trump makes people forget by yelling "COVID COVID COVID COVID" at his MAGAts, and by having his chief of staff say, "We are not going to control the pandemic."  It's all right to be confused.  Enraged also works.

Bob Murray has died, either from black lung or from being harassed to death by John Oliver.  Or it could have been a spell.

You think I'm joking, because it's 2020 and not 1692 and sane people don't believe in that junk.  But the fundagelicals do, like Lance Wallnau.  Brother Lance has identified the source of Rush Limbaugh's lung cancer and reversed it with prayer, and none of your "weak prayers" but his own patented formula.  He does go on a bit but I guess the witches' spell was a real challenge.  Too bad Brother Lance didn't have time to save Bob Murray.  Or Herman Cain.  It's not too late to save Mitch McConnell from the necrotizing fascist-itis that is eating his face and hands.  Hurry, Lance!

In other news from this Year of Magical Thinking, Renea Turner has declared herself to be the governor of Ohio.  That is to say, she had herself "sworn in" and declared that her predecessor Mike DeWine "has become concentrated, grown and has become a tyrant and will be held accountable immediately."  DeWine apparently thought being a Republican entitled him to order pandemic-preventive methods like some kind of Gretchen Whitmer.  Turner and her "posse" were going to kidnap DeWine and possibly exile him, and before you say exile from Ohio sounds more like a reward, just don't.  It's cruel.  Other Ohioites or whatever they're called agree with her on the tyranny but not the kidnapping.  They want to observe legal procedures.  I hope they do.

Five people who work for Mike Pence (including his "body man," which probably sounds worse than it is) have now tested positive for coronavirus, but Pence refuses to cancel any of his campaigning or deny himself the satisfaction of watching the Senate anoint Amy Coney Rabbit.  I'm going to predict he doesn't even wear a mask because he's protected by prayer, a/k/a wishful thinking.

Hospitals in Utah are getting ready to ration care as covid spikes, and a field hospital has been opened at the Wisconsin county fairgrounds in Milwaukee, but the real problem is still too much testing!  Also, doctors and hospitals are raking in wealth for over-reporting cases, or so says Trump.  It's not clear who's paying out on this dastardly plot to steal the election from him, but it's probably George Soros.  It usually is.  

I don't understand how all these people are getting sick in the White House.  Did you know Trump had a prophet named Bill Johnson anoint all the doors to ward off demons?  I'm not crazy.  Read it.  Should have used extra virgin olive oil.