Hollow laughter, the best medicine
Today's guest editorial comes from Lara "I got life in me, Big Daddy!" Trump, who wants us to know that accepting refugees was "one of the worst things that ever happened to Germany." Mrs. Eric wins our Thursday prize, a used copy of Schindler's List. (The movie, of course -- we don't expect her to read, which makes your eyes go all funny.)
It's time to play "Who's Attacking Hillary Now?" The latest empty threat comes from presidential consigliere Rudolph Giuliani, who didn't like Secretary Clinton's Washington Post op-ed about how the Mueller Report detailed "a serious crime against the American people." In other words, she read it and understood it. "Ms. Clinton better get a lawyer," he snarled, because they are for sure coming after her now so Trump can tell the glue-eaters that he LOCKED HER UP. He supposedly ordered Jeff Sessions at least three times to trump up some charges (see what I did there?), but even Beauregard ignored him, like most of his other flunkeys. But an essay for the Daily Bezos, with her name signed and everything unlike "Anonymous"? That's it, the uranium is about to hit the Benghazi. This time, definitely.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders has scheduled a rare press briefing, but she is tired of adults calling out her bullshit so this one is only for children. And if they ask about anything more controversial than her recipe for Ozark roadkill, the next one will be open exclusively to fish. The ones who say, "Good, I like living in water that's full of mercury and cyanide."
Joe Biden has announced that he is going to announce he's running for president. (That's why these campaigns go on for years.) He has already been flooded with endorsements like "Wonderful thing for all America, run Joe run, I am not Russian bot why would you even be asking LOL." So last year's election was a mirage, and what the voters really want is more old white men, I guess.
Self-pity is an indulgence of the rich and privileged. The poor have no time for it, and the great don't seem to be afflicted with it. Trump is the Rembrandt of self-pity, constantly victimized by "haters" and Deep State Coup Plotters who fail to recognize his awesomeness. Self-pity requires a huge, suppurating ego and a total incapacity for humor or self-awareness. Comparing yourself favorably with George Washington because he wasn't smart enough to write his name on his house is -- frankly, it's hilarious, and I hope you never lose that, Donzo, I really do. So don't take this personally, but you have a serious rival. Yes, Steve King (R-Fuhrerbunker) compares himself to Jesus.
It happened around Eastertide in Cherokee, Iowa. I can picture it: the feed stores, the boarded-up video rental place, the fast food outlets, the nineteen churches, and not a single Cherokee or other POC. A town hall convened by, I shit you not, the Reverend Pinky Person. Stripped of his committee assignments by his own party leadership for being an unapologetic racist, King has had more time to bewail his outcast state and contemplate the obvious parallels with the King of Kings. "I have a better insight into what he went through for us," he told the congregation. Needless to say, this insight does not including feeding the hungry, welcoming foreigners, caring for the sick or throwing the CPAC donors out of the Temple. It's almost as if there are two Christs who never even met. Or maybe, as John Allegro once suggested, Christ was really a hallucinogenic mushroom* and everybody's trip is different. King's Christ apparently had, as Stephen Robinson put it, "a soft spot for Nazis." He's the ultimate literary character, except that no one was ever tortured or killed in the name of Hamlet.
*John Marco Allegro, The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross: A Study of the Nature and Origins of Christianity Within the Fertility Cults of the Ancient Near East, Hodder & Stoughton, 1970
It's time to play "Who's Attacking Hillary Now?" The latest empty threat comes from presidential consigliere Rudolph Giuliani, who didn't like Secretary Clinton's Washington Post op-ed about how the Mueller Report detailed "a serious crime against the American people." In other words, she read it and understood it. "Ms. Clinton better get a lawyer," he snarled, because they are for sure coming after her now so Trump can tell the glue-eaters that he LOCKED HER UP. He supposedly ordered Jeff Sessions at least three times to trump up some charges (see what I did there?), but even Beauregard ignored him, like most of his other flunkeys. But an essay for the Daily Bezos, with her name signed and everything unlike "Anonymous"? That's it, the uranium is about to hit the Benghazi. This time, definitely.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders has scheduled a rare press briefing, but she is tired of adults calling out her bullshit so this one is only for children. And if they ask about anything more controversial than her recipe for Ozark roadkill, the next one will be open exclusively to fish. The ones who say, "Good, I like living in water that's full of mercury and cyanide."
Joe Biden has announced that he is going to announce he's running for president. (That's why these campaigns go on for years.) He has already been flooded with endorsements like "Wonderful thing for all America, run Joe run, I am not Russian bot why would you even be asking LOL." So last year's election was a mirage, and what the voters really want is more old white men, I guess.
Self-pity is an indulgence of the rich and privileged. The poor have no time for it, and the great don't seem to be afflicted with it. Trump is the Rembrandt of self-pity, constantly victimized by "haters" and Deep State Coup Plotters who fail to recognize his awesomeness. Self-pity requires a huge, suppurating ego and a total incapacity for humor or self-awareness. Comparing yourself favorably with George Washington because he wasn't smart enough to write his name on his house is -- frankly, it's hilarious, and I hope you never lose that, Donzo, I really do. So don't take this personally, but you have a serious rival. Yes, Steve King (R-Fuhrerbunker) compares himself to Jesus.
It happened around Eastertide in Cherokee, Iowa. I can picture it: the feed stores, the boarded-up video rental place, the fast food outlets, the nineteen churches, and not a single Cherokee or other POC. A town hall convened by, I shit you not, the Reverend Pinky Person. Stripped of his committee assignments by his own party leadership for being an unapologetic racist, King has had more time to bewail his outcast state and contemplate the obvious parallels with the King of Kings. "I have a better insight into what he went through for us," he told the congregation. Needless to say, this insight does not including feeding the hungry, welcoming foreigners, caring for the sick or throwing the CPAC donors out of the Temple. It's almost as if there are two Christs who never even met. Or maybe, as John Allegro once suggested, Christ was really a hallucinogenic mushroom* and everybody's trip is different. King's Christ apparently had, as Stephen Robinson put it, "a soft spot for Nazis." He's the ultimate literary character, except that no one was ever tortured or killed in the name of Hamlet.
*John Marco Allegro, The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross: A Study of the Nature and Origins of Christianity Within the Fertility Cults of the Ancient Near East, Hodder & Stoughton, 1970
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 1:42 PM
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