Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Fake holiday

When I was a young 'un we had Lincoln's Birthday and Washington's Birthday, and it was fine.  Then some charlie decided to combine them into something called Presidents Day, because I guess fans of James K. Polk and Chester Alan Arthur and other mediocrities felt neglected.  Also another badly-needed long weekend in the middle of February for mattress sales and shoveling slush.  So I don't feel compelled to create a grand narrative, just some random rickrack from the bottom of the sewing basket.

If they can put a car in orbit, why can't they make an ice-dancing costume that doesn't pop open in the middle of a routine?  Not that these 83-pound women are notably zaftig, but it seems to make them self-conscious and then they lose points.  Duck tape?

I gave HBO's John Adams a try.  I really did.  I like Paul Giamatti, but he spends a lot of time coughing and whispering.  Couldn't Dr. Franklin have invented the throat lozenge?  It just isn't my period, all those wigs and candles and the French in their face paint.  This is why there was never  a John Adams Day, even in Massachusetts.  Although I'm glad his cousin Sam invented ale.
Years ago the Daily News was a dependably right-wing tabloid.  Tom Paxton wrote a song about it  ("Civil rights leaders are a pain in the neck, Can't hold a candle to Chiang Kai-shek, How do I know?  I read it in the Daily News").  But it's become the only New York paper that does not take Trump's bullshit.  They outdid themselves with this page one celebration of moral vacuity.  The only thing missing is the party at Mar-a-Legomyeggo celebrating the glory nights of Studio 54, when Trump thinks he earned a Purple Heart for evading HIV.

When the British created a Ministry of Loneliness, I pushed aside memories of Monty Python and told myself that this is a serious social problem.  Loneliness has measurable negative effects on the heart, especially in those widowed after long marriages.  It can't hurt to check up on them, though maybe not at Cabinet level.  Now I read of a Museum of Broken Relationships in Zagreb, Croatia.  What the hell is going on with the Europeans?  Loss of empire finally setting in?  Too long between all-out wars?  Reality TV?

It now appears the Russian troll-farmers went to extraordinary lengths to get Al Franken out of the Senate.  I had no idea he was so important, or so threatening to their agenda of full control over this country's government.  Since Trump says that even brutes like Rob Porter deserve "due process," may we have Franken back again?

All KFCs in Britain and Ireland are closed because they ran out of chicken.  I believe this is a campaign to convince people that there is actual chicken under all the glop.

If the president of the NRA were named Ali al-Hussein, it would be on the AG's list of terrorist organizations.  Of course, its members could still buy assault rifles.




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