Monday is fun day!

     

This is Heidi Cruz, Goldman Sachs executive, veteran of the Bush administration, wife, mom, and threat to American sovereignty.  If her husband Ted had become president, she would by now have merged the United States into the North American Union along with Mexico and Canada, through the evil force of her personality and femaleness.  According to Landro Rizzuto, Jr., our next ambassador to Bermuda, which is a British territory surrounded by big water.  That was close, huh?  Also her father-in-law probably assassinated John Kennedy.  Wheels within wheels, people.

People who live in downtown Philadelphia may have thought they were witnessing a riot last night, as jubilant Eagles fans smashed streetlights and overturned a police car.  They must be reassured to
know, via Fox News, that it was "a celebration that went haywire."  No black people were involved.

Arthur Jones, a Holocaust denier and white nationalist, is the Republican candidate for the House in the third district of Illinois this year.  The Illinois party has disavowed him, but is not running anyone against him in this suburban Chicago district, considered a safe Democratic seat.  Why waste money? Go with the Nazi white nationalist.

Six correctional officers have now been indicted for raping and abusing thirteen female inmates at the Edna Mahan Correctional Facility in New Jersey over more than a decade.  But they're just prisoners, not cute gymnasts, so don't expect a repeat of the Larry Nassar dramatics.

Last week the groundhog saw his shadow and Michele Bachmann saw this in St. Paul.  So she is not running for the Senate.  Thank God.