So long, and thanks for all the covfefe
Apparently we're supposed to Give Thanks for things at this time of year. Can I think about it?
LiAngelo Ball and two of his UCLA basketball teammates were arrested for stealing a pair of sunglasses from a Louis Vuitton store in Hangzhou, China. This was a remarkably stupid thing to do, I think we can all agree. Trump happened to be in China shortly thereafter, on his "most expensive geography lesson of all time" tour, and is claiming credit for getting them sprung. Anyway, they thanked him, but apparently not fervently enough. Then Ball's father LaVar, described by Charlie Pierce as "America's most insufferable sports parent" (I bow to his expertise, knowing little of these things), got involved, claiming that it was no big deal and he has seen far worse things than shoplifting. This display of uppityness was too much for Trump, who can never let anyone else have the last word. "I should have left them in jail!" he thumb-thundered. (Actually the three roundballers were confined to a rather nice hotel.) That was Saturday. On Sunday Marshawn Lynch of the Raiders sat out the national anthem and earned himself another tweeter-lashing. So Trump can be thankful for several different black people to verbally abuse in a single weekend.
Today Jeff Flake denounced Roy "Hello baby" Moore, and was tagged with the clever nickname "Jeff Flake(y)," which I'm pretty sure nobody ever thought of before, especially in grade school. And there's more bad news about Al Franken, so it's shaping up to be quite a happy holiday for Donny. His lawyer, Ty Cobb, keeps assuring him that Robert Mueller's investigation is hours away from clearing him and indicting, I don't know, Hillary or Susan Rice or Loretta Lynch or whatever it takes to keep him quiet and happy. In the real world, where White House staffers greet each other with "Good morning, are you wired?" not so much. Any day now, Jared will decide he's too pretty to go to prison and make a deal. That will be the day Twitter crashes.
Tomorrow Trump is scheduled to pardon a turkey. The bird damn well better be grateful, or he stars in a Sarah Palin video.
All right, I've got it now. I give thanks that Jacqueline Onassis is not here to see how tacky the White House has become. She worked so hard on it, and now it looks like some shitty Trump hotel. She will never walk into the Oval Office and see a grotesque Macys parade balloon in an ill-fitting suit, its lobster-bib tie anchored by a wad of Scotch tape, gobbling a Quarter Pounder. It's bad enough to be spattered with your husband's brains without having to see that behind his desk.
LiAngelo Ball and two of his UCLA basketball teammates were arrested for stealing a pair of sunglasses from a Louis Vuitton store in Hangzhou, China. This was a remarkably stupid thing to do, I think we can all agree. Trump happened to be in China shortly thereafter, on his "most expensive geography lesson of all time" tour, and is claiming credit for getting them sprung. Anyway, they thanked him, but apparently not fervently enough. Then Ball's father LaVar, described by Charlie Pierce as "America's most insufferable sports parent" (I bow to his expertise, knowing little of these things), got involved, claiming that it was no big deal and he has seen far worse things than shoplifting. This display of uppityness was too much for Trump, who can never let anyone else have the last word. "I should have left them in jail!" he thumb-thundered. (Actually the three roundballers were confined to a rather nice hotel.) That was Saturday. On Sunday Marshawn Lynch of the Raiders sat out the national anthem and earned himself another tweeter-lashing. So Trump can be thankful for several different black people to verbally abuse in a single weekend.
Today Jeff Flake denounced Roy "Hello baby" Moore, and was tagged with the clever nickname "Jeff Flake(y)," which I'm pretty sure nobody ever thought of before, especially in grade school. And there's more bad news about Al Franken, so it's shaping up to be quite a happy holiday for Donny. His lawyer, Ty Cobb, keeps assuring him that Robert Mueller's investigation is hours away from clearing him and indicting, I don't know, Hillary or Susan Rice or Loretta Lynch or whatever it takes to keep him quiet and happy. In the real world, where White House staffers greet each other with "Good morning, are you wired?" not so much. Any day now, Jared will decide he's too pretty to go to prison and make a deal. That will be the day Twitter crashes.
Tomorrow Trump is scheduled to pardon a turkey. The bird damn well better be grateful, or he stars in a Sarah Palin video.
All right, I've got it now. I give thanks that Jacqueline Onassis is not here to see how tacky the White House has become. She worked so hard on it, and now it looks like some shitty Trump hotel. She will never walk into the Oval Office and see a grotesque Macys parade balloon in an ill-fitting suit, its lobster-bib tie anchored by a wad of Scotch tape, gobbling a Quarter Pounder. It's bad enough to be spattered with your husband's brains without having to see that behind his desk.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 12:54 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home