Monday, August 23, 2021

You are not a horse


"You are not a horse.  You are not a cow.  Seriously, y'all.  Stop it," the FDA tweeted on Saturday, helpfully including illustrations for the reading-impaired.  As the "y'all" suggested, Mississippi seems to be the epicenter of Invermectin abuse according to its health department.  State Health Officer Thomas Dobbs has issued an ultimatum:  the sick must isolate or face a fine and jail time.  Yeah, right, these people won't even wear a mask -- you think they'll surrender to the covid police?  The hospitals are full of people suffering from covid and/or worm medicine poisoning; where do they plan on treating the gunshot wounds?  The state's request for a hospital ship two weeks ago was denied but FEMA is setting up field hospitals.  It might be time to call Doctors Without Borders.

Well, that's one state.  New York experienced the wettest hour on record between ten and eleven on Saturday night as Hurricane Henri boiled into Central Park with 1.94 inches of rain, curtailing the big, ill-advised Homecoming concert (though not in time to prevent Jennifer Hudson's assault on "Nessun dorma").  Apparently the real outrage was that Chuck Schumer showed up and danced with Stephen Colbert and some woman instead of solving all the world's problems.  At least the woman wasn't Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.  Today, after taking two weeks to clean out his desk and stew over his grievances, Andrew Cuomo resigned with a sour speech about how his fall from power was the result of "political pressure and media frenzy" which can only damage future governors.  Really, no speech was necessary.  Just get on the helicopter and wave.  Keep your hands where we can see them.

A few weeks ago Governor Maude Frickert Kay Ivey was lamenting the lack of common sense in Alabama, and sure enough, the maskless thrill-seekers of MAGA Nation turned out for a super-spreader rally in Cullman where the Once and Future President actually got booed for recommending vaccines.  "I believe totally in your freedoms.  I do...But I recommend taking the vaccine.  I did.  It's good.  Take the vaccines."  This caused much confusion, as when a cow is confronted with a chalk line.  "I find it hard to believe...If someone like myself is aware, I can't imagine someone who spear headed the campaign and has a genius IQ is not aware of the danger," tweeted one disciple.  The growing consensus is that Trump got the "good" vaccine before the evil Biden/Fauci axis made it toxic.  So it's not his fault -- he's just ill-informed.  Or as they used to say in the gulag, "If only Stalin knew..."  Mo "Insurrection" Brooks also got booed for suggesting that the mob concentrate on 2022 because 2020 isn't being overturned.  Heresy!

Speaking of Arizona, we're still waiting for the Cyber Ninjas to release their exhaustive report on the bamboo fibers and the bleeding-through ink and all the other "evidence" of massive fraud.  It takes time to fend off a Congressional investigation and conspire with the state senate while finding a suitably opaque way to say "We got bupkis." 

Some of Trump's "very fine people" the Proud Boys rallied in Portland (Oregon) to threaten trans people, beat up some women and exchange gunfire with an antifa counter-protestor who recalled his Second Amendment right to bring a gun.  I think "he took cover behind a solar-powered trashcan" might be the funniest thing ever written about a PB thug.  It was billed as the "Summer of Love" because of course it was.

The Boys were said to be headed north to Vancouver.  They might have found a welcome in white, rural northern California.  Public records from 2020 obtained by Property of the People reveal how easy it is to dupe the region's racist cops.  Tweets warning of "Antifa buses" full of BLM troublemakers were taken more seriously than a Presidential Daily Briefing in the Bush White House, which isn't saying much.  

In case you don't watch "Two Foul Balls and a Miss" on Fox News because you'd rather pick glass shards out of a rabid honey badger, the "Biden is ga-ga" trope continues to be amplified.  Today's miss, Rachel Campos-Duffy, filling in for the vacationing blonde, fixed the blame for the chaos in Afghanistan firmly on Jill Biden.  "Who are the people responsible for putting someone this incompetent and frankly this, you know, mentally frail in this position?" she wondered, feigning compassion.  It was Dr. Biden's job "to love her husband and not let him run...I think she failed the country as well."  Which country, Rachel?  All of them?  Maybe you should listen to H.R. McMaster, Trump's national security adviser:  "This collapse goes back to the capitulation agreement of 2020.  The Taliban didn't defeat us.  We defeated ourselves."

Unmark your calendars and mark them again, for New Year's Eve, I guess.  At the Cullman Covid Cookout Mike Lindell was not booed when he told the soon-to-be-patients that Trump will be reinstated by the end of the year.  "Or," he added ominously, "there is no 2022 or 2024."  It's Y2K all over again, people -- the world is plunged into chaos and darkness if SCOTUS doesn't rule 9-0 to "call a whole new election," which they are totally empowered to do by Corinthians Two.  "Remember, everybody, we have to melt down the machines to make prison bars out of them!"  I don't know what it means, either, but I am intrigued by the 66% off on a MyPillow.  He's practically giving them away!  Trump called Crazy Mike "a patriot who's willing to die for this country," which would mean more if he hadn't previously called our war dead suckers and losers.

Last week the Department of Education announced it will erase the student debt of 300,000 Americans with severe disabilities who have no prospect of significant earnings.  Yesterday the Secretary told Meet the Press that the DoE will use its civil rights division to investigate school bans on mask mandates.  I think Miguel Cardona just became my favorite cabinet member.  Now pass the fucking infrastructure bills so Pete Buttigieg can show us what he's got.

In a series for Britain's Channel Four John Cleese means to explore "cancel culture":   "I'm delighted to have a chance to find out, on camera, about all the aspects of so-called political correctness.  There's so much I really don't understand, like how the impeccable idea of 'let's all be kind to people' has been developed in some cases ad absurdum."  And who better than the 82-year-old veteran of Monty Python's Life of Brian?




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