Coming to America

 Migrants at the southern border continues to represent an important distraction for the Party of No Ideas, with Ron DeSantis vowing to "shoot 'em stone cold dead" since the tough-guy act goes down well in Iowa.  Greg Abbott displayed his cojones by busing sixteen families (including a number of children) to Los Angeles last week as Tropical Storm Hilary pounded the area.  To be fair, Hilary was predicted to be a full-bore hurricane when the bus left Texas.  Better luck next time, Greg.  Have you looked into introducing piranhas to the Rio Grande?

Governor and probable richest man in North Dakota Greg Burgum famously "qualified" for the first Republican debate-o-rama by paying people to contribute to his campaign, but he may be a late scratch because of a basketball-related leg injury.  Apparently candidates must demonstrate their fitness for office by standing for two hours, Nikki Haley in high heels.  Burgum is your basic anti-LGBTQ, anti-choice Rightzi, but he has no position on mining or otherwise militarizing the border with Canada.  So far.

Judges who attract death threats may find it reassuring that they live in "the fast lane" where such things are commonplace.  So says Newsmax's Greg Kelly in urging Judge Tanya Chutkan to just get over it.  The FBI should instead investigate threats against Barron Trump.  Barron Trump?  He's done with high school so presumably the other kids have stopped stuffing him into his locker.  What is it now, atomic wedgies?  Are district attorneys like Alvin Bragg and Fani Willis also living the vidas locas of federal judges?  And precinct-level poll workers like Shaye Moss and Ruby Freeman?  Judge Esther Salas, whose son was murdered by a man who came to her house looking for her, says you're full of shit, Greg.

All of the eighteen ne'er-do-wells indicted by the Fulton County grand jury were given two weeks to show up for booking at the jailhouse but Jeffrey Clark says he needs more time.  It's not the witches and their spirit animals this time, he just doesn't want to have to make "rushed travel arrangements" to Atlanta.  It costs a lot more to fly first-class at the last minute.  One word, Jeff:  AMTRAK.

In more aviation news, a plane presumed to be carrying Yevgeny Prigozhin of the Wagner Group has crashed north of Moscow with no survivors.  It may have been brought down by a missile.  Is Putin settling all family business?

Trump's spelling has abandoned him again as he plucks up the nerve to report to the Fulton County lockup to be put into the system:

Please take the phone away and give him a Zwieback, Ms. Harrington.

If you missed out on Fyre Festival 2017, where all the trust fund kiddies and "influencers" were rolled by experts on the Bahamian island of Exuma, there's good news -- another chance to be disappointed!  Billy McFarland is out of federal prison and he's doing it again.  Somewhere.  With some musical performers.  A nursing student named Victoria Medvedenko already has her ticket, proof that nursing pays better than I thought or that her daddy is a Russian oligarch.  She's relying on McFarland's desire not to go back to prison ("he's had a lot of time to think about it and prepare this time").  I'm reminded of the words attributed to Phineas T. Barnum about the birthrate of suckers, adjusted for the twenty-first century.