Top of the line

 It's been over a week since The Booking That Shook the World, and although I check every day I haven't seen the mug shots.  I was assured that Trump's popularity would skyrocket as soon as his MAGAts saw him full face and profile on tee shirts, billboards and mudflaps and finally understood the full extent of his undeserved suffering.  Where are they?  Was his hair less than perfect?  Would those grim court officers not allow him two hours to sculp it and apply yellow paint?  Disgraceful.

I was beginning to think he had been too traumatized by the experience to do more than slink off to a corner and review his life, like anyone who started off with every advantage and wound up facing nearly three dozen felony counts.  Of course, I was wrong.  Trump isn't anyone.  He's the gargoyle who sees every holiday as an occasion to howl imprecations at his enemies.

"HAPPY EASTER TO ALL, INCLUDING THOSE THAT DREAM ENDLESSLY OF DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY BECAUSE THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF DREAMING ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE."

Right back at you, with carcinogenic Peeps.  I think you'd be unpleasantly surprised by what many of us dream about.  Did you ever see a movie called Papillon?  You should.  Don't worry, it's not in French.  You won't be asked to do any reading.

"Help the beloved Ukrainian people on their journey toward peace, and shed the light of Easter upon the people of Russia," he continued -- no, I'm sorry, that was Pope Francis.  Trump's urbi et orbi was more enraged ranting about "ELECTION FRAUD" and "Radical Left CRAZIES" familiar from such previous messages as "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO RINO MARXISTS" and "HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO SICK ANIMAL ALVIN BRAGG."  

Not to mention complaints about "the boxes hoax" (that would be the classified papers the FBI recovered from his tarty hotel), the "thug prosecutor" (presumably Jack Smith), the pre-rigged 2024 election, and random yelps of "WE WILL BE BACK!" and "WORLD WAR III!"  Little kids who ate an entire basket of chocolate including the artificial grass were making more sense on Sunday.  "MY PEOPLE ARE BEING THREATENED AND HARASSED," he whined.  The names of the jurors in the E. Jean Carroll defamation suit -- a civil matter -- are being concealed so they don't have to face the same death threats as Ruby Freeman, Shaye Moss, Christine Blasey Ford, Loren Merchan, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the Bragg family, the Raffensperger family and countless other targets of his hate over the last seven interminable years, but if by "harassed" Trump means subpoenaed and interrogated under oath, yeah, it happens when you associate with criminals.  

If anyone was left hungry for more, Fox News had the goods.  For all his expressed hatred of Fox and all their texts full of disgust with him, Trump and Fox need each other -- it's still a louder megaphone than Newsmax or Russia Tonight and he's still a ratings booster among their trailer park demographic.  So last night he sat down somewhere outside the studio for an "interview" with Tucker Carlson.  The preliminaries must have been awkward.  ("Just kidding about that 'demonic force' thing, sir.")  Trump chose to overlook them because he had so much to share.  And Baby Tuckoo found it "moderate, sensible and wise."  It's hard to say which of them was more heavily medicated.  At least Carlson didn't sniff all the way through.

Me, watch Trump/Carlson?  Don't be daft, there was a Bette Davis movie on TCM.  Poor Evan Hurst drew the short straw at Wonkette and he can walk you through it.  Just to hit the highlights, Trump is an environmentalist.  Those big, strong men at the criminal courthouse were "crying, they were actually crying.  Tears were pouring down."  Probably why they couldn't hold the door open for him, just...just...General Mark Milley is "an idiot."  World War II was "army tanks running around shooting each other."   

Most of the hour was devoted to foreign policy.  All dictators are "top of the line.  Our guy's not top of the line.  Never was."  Putin is smart.  Kim is smart.  He forgot to praise Viktor Orban even though the Hungarian strongman tweeted his support on arraignment day.  (Bolsonaro's just a loser now.)  But you know who's Donald's new bestie?  Xi Jinping.  "If you went all over Hollywood to look for somebody to play the role of President Xi, you couldn't find, there's nobody like that."  He thinks this is the ultimate praise.  "Brilliant man.  The look, the brain, the whole thing."  I wouldn't be surprised if Winnie the Pooh is banned at Mar a Lago as he is in China.  "Top of the line," he kept saying.  It's a form of OCD.  At one point he actually claims to have read a newspaper, although it's "probably fake news."  Then more slobbering over Xi.  Remember, Trump is still threatening to run for president.  I'm trying to picture anyone, no matter how depraved, running in 1944 on the slogan "Hitler -- he's smart and good looking."  You know, while those tanks were running around shooting each other in the Ardennes. 

Bottom line:  We're doing everything wrong because the 2020 election was stolen and only he can fix it.  Because he understands Russia's need to own Ukraine, and he understands the genius of Xi.