Derpitude and gratitude

 

Thank you, comedy gods.

Thank you for Dallas Humber of Sacramento, who runs the Terrorgram Collective, a communications hub for transphobic, racist and antisemitic criminals like Juraj Krajcik.  Last fall he killed two people in a Bratislava LGBTQ bar and then courageously killed himself.  Humber's day job is selling dildos.

Thank you for PNC Bank, which closed a business account associated with Junior Trump.  Within days the bank apologized for its error and re-opened the account, but by then Junior was on a coke-fueled rant about "woke" financial institutions and demanding an investigation.  Like banks care about the freak-show politics of depositors.

Thank you for the Conways.  After 22 years George and Kellyanne are "Pffft!" as Winchell would say.  That's right, America, they're back on the market!  Both of them!

Thank you for Perry Johnson, the fresh new face at CPAC who wants to be president no. 47.  He's got a book.  He's got a plan to end inflation.  He's got that hair.  "History is full of upsets," says his advisor, citing -- Rick Santorum?

Thank you for Republican cluelessness and gutlessness.  First Matt Gaetz got caught reading Chinese propaganda into the Congressional Record.  Then Gym Jordan fell for some ex-FBI "whistleblowers" who turned out to be taking cash bribes from Kash Patel.  Now James Comer is getting the "never heard of him" treatment at CPAC over his sliming of Beau Biden.  "You'll have to ask [Comer] on what context he made that.  That's what you need to do -- get him and let him explain it," said Ralph Norman (OK), making a quick exit.  No honor among thieves or MAGAts.

Muchas gracias to Ron DeSantis.  Yes, that one.  Last fall Eliud and his three cousins arrived here from Venezuela knowing nobody.  DeSantis, who used to be a Guantanamo "interrogator," can smell fear and powerlessness, so he put them on a plane from Texas to Martha's Vineyard with forty-five other people.  What a clever way to own the libs!  Most have since moved on but the four cousins are still there.  According to the Vineyard Gazette their new friends Jacqueline and Larkin Stallings helped them find an attorney, Rachel Self, and apartments in Edgartown.  They're learning English and grappling with America's byzantine naturalization system.  A local non-profit has made a documentary about them.  You should read about their travels -- "tempest-tost" indeed.  Thank you to Ms. Self and the Stallings, and thanks to you, too, Governissimo.  You and that other sleazeball Abbott won't be repeating this stunt, I bet.  Liberals really are the best people.

I may not be able to write anything else about the Governissimo if state senator Jason Brodeur's bill succeeds.  Based on a 2014 law signed by Vladimir Putin, it would require bloggers who write about DeSantis, his cabinet and other Republican snowflakes to register with the government.  Brodeur wants especially to know who's paying us to write hurtful things about them.  As if.  Come on if you think you're hard enough, Brodeur, and I'll inscribe the First Amendment on your face with a rusty spike.

Thanks to environmental activist/Julia Roberts character Erin Brockovich, for scaring Ohio.  She's planning events in East Palestine, which the Ohio Statewide Terrorism Analysis & Crime Center Terrorism Analysis Unit Situational Awareness report -- I want extra credit for typing all that -- calls "special interest extremist groups," i.e., people who don't want to soak up toxic spew.  That's right, they're the problem.  Wait till Greta Thunberg shows up.    

The dogs are terrifying, too.

Finally, and in all seriousness, thanks to Joe Biden for awarding, at long last, the Medal of Honor to retired Col. Paris Davis.  He was recommended in 1965 for rescuing three wounded men under enemy fire in Vietnam.  The paperwork was "lost," resubmitted and "lost" again.  Colonel Paris was among the first Black officers in the Green Berets, but I'm sure that had nothing to do with it.  He is 83.