All your Bitcoins are belong to us!

 It's Thursday and that means all bets are off, all systems are off-line and anything goes.  Take a look.

We all know that Trump has been the victim of many WITCH HUNTS!!! but now there's proof:  Charlie Kirk has done the research by looking at Pinterest and he knows Emily Kohrs (of Fulton County grand jury fame) is a witch, or at least a Wiccan, therefore, witch hunt Russia hoax rigged election, take your pick.  Kirk has experience with witches -- three of them (classic Macbeth number) spoke to him in a church in New Mexico and he got "super sick" shortly after.  Don't worry, Jesus made it all better and he doesn't always need diapers anymore.  You might think Fani Willis was the one who danced with the devil but that's how they fool you.  Unless you're smart like Charlie Kirk.

Does anybody know who Alex Murdaugh is and why America is supposedly transfixed by his murder trial?  Because I've been ignoring it until I can't anymore, it's on CNN and MSNBC and probably The Weather Channel.  It's a family with impressively red hair but I still don't care.

Unsurprisingly the Florida justice system has gone full Marx Brothers.  A lawyer named William M. Norris wants his pregnant client Natalia Harrell released from jail on the grounds that her fetus, "a person under the Florida constitution," did not receive due process before being incarcerated.  A woman in Texas has demanded she be allowed to use the multi-passenger vehicle lane because her fetus is a person but this takes the crazy to a new level.  Habeas corpus!  Go, Norris!

Ukraine may lack fighter jets but it can still count on Sir Elton John.  He says so in a long essay in today's Guardian, recalling the concert he gave in Kyiv in 2007 to raise awareness of AIDS there.  Moral support is always welcome, but Sir Elton could bloody well buy them an F-16.

Yesterday in Milan Starbuck introduced its new line of oleato, coffee blended with olive oil.  CEO Howard Shultz says he invented it when taking a spoonful of oil with his morning coffee and then deciding to combine them.  He doesn't say whether this helped with his morning poo, but I bet it did.

Archeologists examining a Bronze Age grave in Tel Megiddo, Israel, found evidence of brain surgery on a skull from the 15th century BCE.  They even managed to determine through DNA that the two men in the grave were brothers.  Pre-history is so cool.

Speaking of brain injuries, who's this derelict in the baggy overcoat boasting about the yuge donation he's making to the fine people of [where the hell am I?] East Palestine, Ohio?  Guess.  

That's genuine Trump Water, one of his many failed enterprises.  It's been in a warehouse since the company went bust in 2010.  The people of EP would be better off drinking rainwater than the plastic in the bottles.  "You want to get those Trump bottles."  For the lawsuits your heirs will file.

Keep your eye on David Eastman, who represents Wasilla (Mother of Nearly Vice Presidents) in the Alaska legislature.  He asked Trevor Storrs of the Alaska Children's Trust if maybe it's not good for society as a whole if abused children die, "because there aren't needs for government services and whatnot over the whole course of that child's life."  He's crunched the numbers and says it will cost Alaska (which used to pay every resident a dividend on oil revenue) a ton of money to treat the survivors for PTSD and who knows "whatnot" and it's just fiscal irresponsibility.  (Did I mention that Eastman is also a paid-up Oath Keeper?)  For saying the quiet part out loud the whole rest of the legislature voted to censure him, which makes him an Official Victim of the Woke Mob.  Senator Eastman?  Governor Eastman?  "We'll get there, Pop."

We nearly made it out of Black History Month 2023 (not a leap year) without any further attacks from racists and morons, and then came Ben Stein, who is apparently still alive.  Ben can't enjoy his pancakes anymore because "the inherent racism of America's corporate culture" has cancelled Aunt Jemima from his syrup bottle.  "This used to show a large African American woman chef," he droned, "showing their incredible skill at making pancakes."  Why does Quaker Oats want to deny Black achievement?  They're probably racists like Barack Obama.  (Remember how he was constantly making Ben Stein feel bad by standing there being Black?)  Even Uncle Ben is gone, depriving Stein of his yummy rice.

 

  I hate woke rice.  Unless there's saffron.

If Tucker Carlson defends Don Lemon's dumb comments about Nikki Haley for all the wrong reasons and in grossly awful ways, but still defends him, should I be worried?  I didn't think Lemon should get Dan Rathered off the air for being a jerk, that's all.  Tuckoo invented a whole bucket of grievance in the course of pronouncing Haley "a liberal white lady" against whom "the Democratic Party" will always side, which I can't even figure out.  

Anyway, on to the next culture war:  Lego.  I know nothing about this toy, said to be world's most popular, except that it comes from socialist Denmark.  Apparently they have decided to be more inclusive (that trigger word!) with characters who have disabilities or Down syndrome, an outrage up with which Harris Faulkner will not put.  In discussion with another public philosopher named Jimmy Failla, Faulkner asked, "These are really important issues.  Do you want Lego in there?"  Failla did not.  "Republicans think it is insane that they are forcing identity politics into Legos.  Democrats are upset they didn't make a drag queen stripper."  I guess I missed another national debate/referendum.  Failla just knows Lego is pushing "a particular political agenda," as opposed to a perfectly natural desire to sell toys.  Even to kids who don't matter because they use a wheelchair or lack a limb, or to the parents who love them anyway.  Now that Jimmy Failla has polled the nation, maybe he should ask the on-air Fox people with disabilities.  None?  Really?

Alex Murdaugh is crying on the stand.  Now I know he's guilty.  And I'm not even sure what he's accused of.