Food fight

 

The Class of '25 is settling in at the House.  The metal detectors are gone and so is the Office of Congressional Ethics in all but name.  Members can again enjoy their First Amendment right to smoke, if only in their offices for now.  (Thanks, tobacco lobby!)  And in his first act of celebratory revenge, K-Mac promises to remove Ilhan Omar, Adam Schiff and Eric Swalwell from their committees as payback for Empty Greene and Cockroach Gosar.  Because being a liberal is the equivalent of threatening violence as of right now.   Of course, this kabuki has real-world consequences -- an Indiana lab worker named Jonathan Reeser was fired for DMing to Swalwell, "I HOPE YOU [sic] FAMILY IS RAPED AND MURDERED."  He elaborated:

It doesn't say what kind of lab Reeser worked for, probably meth and he was too much even for them.  Anyway, Kev will no doubt find a staff job for him.

Then a commissioner of the Consumer Product Safety Commission suggested a ban on gas stoves was under consideration and everybody went mad.  As if there weren't enough Kulturkampf being waged over candy.  

Oh, you missed it?

  This is why we cannot relax our vigilance.  Because China is trying to undermine us through "woke" M&M ads.  See, those are female candies.  Holding hands.  Mars, Inc., is a Chicom front.  I saw it on Fox.

Where was I?  Oh, gas stoves.  The idea is to replace them with safer electric ones, not wind powered or anything, but Joe Manchin and Ted Cruz were already climbing the walls.  Ovens.  Go figure.

As of 5:01 pm "George Santos" was still representing embarrassed Long Islanders in the House.  The latest revelation is that in 2019 he introduced himself as "Anthony Devolder" of "United for Trump" (which seems to be a non-existent organization) at a get-together called "Walk Away LGBT."  The intent was to get LGBT people to desert the Democrats and line up with the party that regards them as an abomination on the face of the earth, so, not sure how that went, but we now have another secret identity for Congressman Munchausen.  Something about a Ponzi scheme and a stolen scarf...really, as the Firesign Theater once put it, "It's a little like having bees live in your head."  Asked if his Asshole Assembly would move to expel this creature, McCarthy loftily explained that in America one is innocent until proven guilty.  So he supports an end to cash bail?  Don't be silly.  

As the investigating committees form up and get ready to investigate, we could be hours away from at long last getting to see Hunter Biden's penis pictures on his own laptop.  No more than three special subcommittees will deal with this bombshell as the rest prepare to impeach everyone in sight, freeze the debt limit, defund Ukraine and crack down on all this damn voting.  

Self-government is hard.  But it isn't usually this hard.