Send in the Republiclowns

 

Tweet this morning from Rep.-elect Robert Garcia (D-CA):  "Will be proudly sworn-in to Congress on the U.S. Constitution.  Underneath the Constitution will be 3 items that mean a lot to me personally.  A photo of my parents who I lost to covid, my citizenship certificate & an original Superman #1 from the Library of Congress."  And no Bible for this openly gay Peruvian immigrant.  

No one was sworn in yesterday because the Republicans' shit is not remotely together, but just try telling that to openly gay/formerly straight Jew-ish/Catholic Goldman Sachs employee/boat broker George Santos (R-NY).  The Brazilian immigrant/fugitive is telling everyone he took the oath.  On a Bible for sure, maybe a stack of them. 

In a nutshell, there it is.

The Democrats are loving this.  Gerry Connolly (D-VA) tweeted, "Good one about George Santos who, as we all know, fought with McCarthy at Normandy in 1944."  They brought babies to the floor and did feeding and diaper changes in the cloakroom (what would Sam Rayburn say?).  

They shared Ted Lieu's popcorn and cheered when Hakeem Jeffries was nominated as "the Prince of the People's Republic of Brooklyn."  For three ballots he had a solid 212 votes, while support for McCarthy dribbled away.

Trump is working the phone for McCarthy, which doesn't seem to help.  The big strong men (with tears in their eyes) just say, "But you should be speaker, sir.  Should I vote for you, sir?  It would be a privilege."  Then they go back to horse-trading, knowing that Trump has no interest in the job (too much work, not enough power, have to sit behind Biden at state of the union).  So Trump has decided the real problem is the hated Mitch McConnell across the way:

What's going on in the Senate?  I'm glad you asked.  Lindsey Graham is terrified that enough Republicans might get tired of the vaudeville and throw their votes to Hakeem Jeffries, who wants statehood for places full of dark-skinned people like Puerto Rico and the District of Columbia.  That is, the end of civilization as we know it.  Not to mention all the socialism.  (Does he know "People's Republic of Brooklyn" is a joke?)

Also, Patty Murray (D-WA) is now second in line to the presidency, having become president pro tempore of the Senate.  So that's good.

A second-term Florida Republican named Byron Donalds just changed his vote from McCarthy to Gym Jordan.  This is highly significant because -- he's Black?  Oh, look, four votes for Donalds.  We got us a horse race!  Voting for Donalds proves you're not racist.  Like voting for Herschel Walker.

No pressure, but the Republicans took down the metal detectors yesterday, which means any one of their Second Amendment psychos could be carrying.  But no pressure.  

The State of the Union message is scheduled later than usual, March 1, and the President has to be invited into the chamber by the Speaker.  Do you think they can meet the deadline?

Matt Gaetz has written to the Architect of the Capitol to demand that K-Mac and his stuff be thrown out of the Speaker's office.  Popcorn may not suffice -- I'm sending out for Chinese food.

Warren Davidson (R-OH) isn't waiting for McCarthy to find an office -- he wants the investigating to start.  So much to look into -- Hunter Biden's laptop, why Nancy Pelosi didn't call in the 101st Airborne to stop the coup, how Barack Obama failed to prevent 9/11, how Fauci and China caused the pandemic...I'm sorry but I haven't seen hair like that since Paul von Hindenburg.  Lost my train of thought.  Oh right, Southwest's catastrophic holiday season somehow the fault of Pete  Buttigieg.  Busy busy busy... 

Lauren Boebert jumps aboard the Donalds bandwagon.  "The president wants this, except he didn't want it, he wanted McCarthy, but that's not what he wants."  And by "president" she means the fat Florida felon-to-be, of course.  

Don't they have a system of push-button voting?  This is so exhausting the clerks are spelling each other.

This is what the real President is doing today, and he's doing it in Kentucky with Mitch McConnell, announcing a $1.6 billion bridge project.  On the way out the door he declared the Congressional pie fight "not my problem."  It looks like they'll be building back better the aging Brent Spence Bridge before it falls into the Ohio River.  There are no losers.

MSNBC has "GOP sources" who say they'll subject McCarthy to a sixth wedgie and then adjourn.  Maybe go read up on the 1924 Democratic Convention, which required 103 ballots to nominate John W. Davis, mostly because he wasn't Woodrow Wilson's son-in-law and he wasn't Al Smith.  It didn't work out well.