How does anyone know?

 Bill Fischer parked his Chevy Avalanche truck for four days somewhere in North Dakota and came back to find it crammed with 150 pounds of walnuts.  He says it was the work of one red squirrel.  Is he sure he hasn't pissed off anyone in the neighborhood?

What's become of free speech?  When John T. Earnest was sentenced to life without parole for a 2019 shooting at a California synagogue that left one dead and three wounded, the judge refused to let him make a statement or even turn around to face survivors.  Who will be the first to blame world-wide Jewish hegemony?  Because we really wanted to hear what he thinks.

Despite being fully vaccinated (he says) Brett Kavanaugh has tested positive for covid.  Better add "avoid beer" to the post-vaccine instructions.

His pal Samuel Alito joined the chorus of far-right judges insisting their rulings are not governed by their politics on issues like abortion and complaining about "unprecedented efforts to intimidate the Court."  No, not The McConnell Center, this time the lucky venue was Notre Dame.  If you want a really friendly crowd, Sam, you might try the next Trump Hatesapaloser.

James Schulz, Jr., allegedly stabbed the manager of a restaurant in League City, Texas, after being told to put on a mask.  Of course, it would have been harder to identify him from the security video if he had...worn a mask.

Nurses in Missouri and now school board members in California need panic buttons to protect them from violent parents.  Next:  Coroners inquests?  Zoning commissioners?  

A poll of Trumpanzees finds that 52 percent favor secession to escape the brutal oppression of the Biden administration.  (Lazy bastards -- four years ago we were Googling the immigration procedures of New Zealand.)  Apparently they have given up hope of a restoration even in 2024.  As I recall the last secession was caused by fear that Lincoln would keep slave owners from spreading their "way of life" to the new western territories.  Their ideological descendants seem to be terrified that their lives will be prolonged by a vaccine and that their children will be taught the truth about the first secession.  Well, you could throw a wall around South Dakota and have that.  Nothing there but defaced mountains, blizzards, and corrupt, horny, drunk-driving politicians.  Mazel tov!

Is the Marine Corps going power-mad?  Lt. Col. Stuart Scheller was thrown in the brig for criticizing the Biden administration on social media about the withdrawal from Afghanistan.  Junior Trump and the Sedition Caucus rushed to his defense but he told them to sod off:  "Tell your son to stop tweeting about me.  Your whole family knows nothing about us or our sacrifices.  I could never work with you...I hate how you divided the country.  I don't need or want your help."  Meanwhile Lance Cpl. Hunter Clark is under investigation for showing up at a Trump hate rally and claiming to be the Marine who hoisted a baby over a wall in Kabul. 

And now, your moment of Stephanie Grisham:  Challenged by a young boy to go vegan, Trump went batshit crazy instead:  "No, no.  It messes with your body chemistry, your brain.  And if I lose even one brain cell, we're fucked."

That explains it.