September clearance sale

Floridahhhh!   In Tampa, DeAnna Stinson became the first person to hire a hitman (to kill her ex-husband's wife, of course) and pay in Bitcoin.  Elsewhere in the state, Carl Hiaasen deleted what looked to be a promising new novel.

You remember Mark and Patricia McCloskey, who courageously stood their ground against unarmed protesters last year in St. Louis.  Pleaded guilty to second-degree harassment and paid a fine.  He's even running for the Senate.  Now they're whining that the ludicrous photo caused "humiliation, mental anguish and severe emotional distress" although it is proudly displayed on his campaign website.  "Severe emotional distress" is lawyer-talk for "You owe me money," but exactly who does he plan to sue?  The internet?  Everyone who laughed about how silly they look?  

It's traditional to punish athletes for their crimes and misdemeanors, which is why Pete Rose is not in the Baseball Hall of Fame.  So what will happen to Klete Keller, who won a gold medal in the Olympics for swimming and pleaded guilty to obstruction for participating in the January coup attempt (wearing  his Team USA jacket)?  He's 39, so banning him from future Olympics seems pointless.  Commercial endorsements are probably not an issue.  Can the IOC ask for the medal back?  

Speaking of big-name criminals, Nicolas Sarkozy, convicted of violating campaign finance laws, has been sentenced to a year of house arrest.  I'll bet it's a really nice house.  Way to send a message, French courts.  Meanwhile the mayor of Riace in Calabria, Italy, got thirteen years for being insufficiently cruel to asylum seekers.  The prosecution only asked for seven.

The Martinez family have been harassed by a neighbor blasting "monkey noises" and racial slurs since they moved in, but Virginia Beach police say there's nothing they can do.  It's not as if they're playing hip-hop or anything.  Time to get out "Ride of the Valkyries."

The hospitals are overflowing with covidiots who wouldn't get vaccinated and that means violence with a capital V and that rhymes with T and that stands for Trumpanzees.  Hospitals are providing nurses with panic buttons for summoning help when the patients and their relatives attack.  Remember way back when this pandemic began -- was it last year?  People would stand at windows and on balconies at twilight, applauding and banging pots to thank the front-line health care workers who endured lack of PPE and insults from Trump ("equipment...walking out the back door") and risked their lives to save others.  I never expected to feel nostalgia for the pre-vaccine days.

Did you not read this blog yesterday, Mayor Dave Bronson of Anchorage?  Why would you concur with your idiot constituent who says mask mandates are just like forcing Jews in the Third Reich to wear yellow stars?  Idaho sends its ICU overflow to Washington state; where are you planning to send yours, Canada or Russia?  You are a disgrace to idiots.

In a hearing about the Texas Women-Are-Incubators law, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tried to explain to the boys that a woman does not instantly know if she is pregnant.  She should have saved her breath and showed an episode of TLC's I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant.  It's called "cryptic pregnancy," doofuses.

"Man who firebombed Arizona Dem Party HQ confessed on social media" is the header at AZ Mirror.  Actually that's called "boasting."

This just in:  Humpty Dumpty on the toilet stolen from Madison, Wisconsin, art fair:

I thought it was Trump until I saw the book.