Donnie Two-Scoops and the No-Good, Very Bad Day

 Iran has asked Interpol to arrest Trump for the murder of Qassem Soleimani a year ago.  That's not even close to being the worst thing to happen to him, but it's enough to destroy the warm glow he always gets when a mob cheers his ravings while infecting one another.  

All of the UK is under lockdown, including (for now) Scotland.  Forget about spending Inauguration Day on the links at Turnberry.  "We're not allowing people to come to Scotland without an essential purpose," said First Minister Nicola Sturgeon.  "Coming to play golf isn't what I would consider to be an essential purpose."  Nasty woman.

Here's another:  "Anyone who commits a felony violation of Georgia law in my jurisdiction will be held accountable."  That was Fani Willis, the newly elected district attorney of Fulton County, referring to the infamous Trump-Raffensperger phone call.  She sounds like she means it.  The crime was committed in Washington, where the call originated,  so Trump better hope that gets him off this particular hook.

Nancy Pelosi, newly re-elected as Speaker, will preside over tomorrow's "debate" in the House, and Trump can expect her to be in a take-no-bullshit mood.  She will let Mo and the other stooges tapdance and then the vote will happen and then everybody can get back to work.  Running an unruly kindergarten is no job for a woman of 80.  Some of them want to bring guns to show-and-tell.

Forgetting that he held a get-out-the-hate rally only last night, Trump is trying to discourage voting by claiming that Dominion Voting machines are malfunctioning (conspiracy!) in the Twelfth District.  His nemeses Raffensperger and Gabriel Sterling reported the problem discovered and fixed before ten o'clock.  At this point Georgia Republicans don't know whether to shit or wind their watches, in the local idiom.  

In a moment of candor -- his first since the 1950s, by actual count -- Trump told the crowd, "I don't do rallies for other people.  I do them for me."  After briefly mentioning Loeffler and Perdue and telling people it was important to vote in the "illegal" election, he spent the night attacking the Supreme Court,  the Affordable Care Act, China, Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT) for dissociating himself from the Dirty Dozen, and of course the governor.  (I may use "Fuck you, Kemp!" as a ring-tone.)  He seems to think Mike Pence can pound his gavel tomorrow and say "Overturnicus!" and change the election results.  "I hope Mike Pence comes through for us.  He's a great guy...'Course if he doesn't come through, I won't like him quite so much."  Trump could try firing him.   He just fired the US attorney for the northern district of Georgia for some undisclosed reason, probably a passing spasm of rage or gas.

Perdue is in quarantine but Loeffler is going all out, finding it sinister that Harvey Weinstein's lawyer contributed to the Warnock campaign, ergo, the pastor is a child molester, it's so obvious, QED.  Speaking of which, Loeffler accepted the support of Marjorie Taylor Greene; does that make her a full-on Q Qrazy or just Q Qurious?  Oh, and she's joined the Hawley Sedition Tour, now a baker's dozen of disloyalty.  Has she tried buying a Glock? 

Despite the yuge crowd on the tarmac, another federal judge in Georgia has kicked another lawsuit to the curb.  This one, against Raffensperger, was the usual argle-bargle with coda:  it cited the discredited Eastman theory that California-born Kamala Harris is somehow an ineligible vice-president.  Judge Mark Cohen of the Northern District -- I'll bet that's what resulted in the scapegoating of the US attorney! -- gave it a big nope.

Trump can't even doxx his enemies right.  He ordered his flying monkeys to harass Michigan assembly speaker Lee Chatfield into de-certifying Biden's victory in the state.  First of all, Chatfield is no longer the speaker.  Second, numbnuts gave them the number of someone named O Rose in California, who has been tortured with idiot calls and texts all day.  This calls for something -- I just don't know whether criminal prosecution or a lawsuit the size of a planet is appropriate.  Why not both?

In Pennsylvania there's a dispute about seating state senator Jim Brewster, a Democrat whose 69-vote victory has been certified.  So the Republicans voted to remove the president of the senate, Lt. Governor John Fetterman, and have President Pro Tem Corman preside instead.  When Trump hears this he'll want "great guy" Pence replaced with a possibly more biddable Chuck Grassley tomorrow.  And the clutching at straws continues.  And when that fails?  No wonder the SecDefs are scared.