Partisan virus

 

Dropped on his head as a baby and it was all downhill after that.

Poor Louie.  His lawsuit against Mike Pence was booted by federal Judge Jeremy Kernodle, who was appointed by -- let's see now -- Trump!  Louie took it as you might expect, explaining that "basically, in effect, the ruling would be that you gotta go in the streets and be as violent as Antifa and BLM."  Which is not what Judge Kernodle -- again, a Trump/McConnell joint -- meant when he ruled that the "speculative nature" of Louie's "alleged injury" meant he had no standing so goodbye.  Laws, huh?  And ex-Judge Gohmert didn't see that coming.

If he appeals as promised, he should be aware that superlawyer L. Lin Wood won't be able to help.  He's too busy setting up his new religion.  According to Law and Crime he is embroiled in a lawsuit with his former partners which originated when he assaulted one of them, Jonathan Grunberg (or as Wood calls him, "a Chilean Jewish fucking crook").  He later apologized, because that's how you roll when you are the second coming of Christ.  Or possibly Moses or King David, it's a little unclear.  When not preparing for his transfiguration, Wood has been sharing fascinating theories about covid ("it is a PARTISAN virus (or bacteria).  That is exactly how CCP planned it.  Time to respond to CCP attacks on our country.  We are at war").  The virus can distinguish between Republicans and Democrats, which is why so many Republicans are infected -- nothing to do with their refusal to wear a mask or avoid events like the Mar a Lago danse macabre.  Wood has added Mike Pence and Mitch McConnell to his hit list.  ("We overlooked one of the main participants in the theft of the election.  THE REPUBLICANS.")  He has worked it all out:  "If Pence is arrested, @SecPompeo will save the election.  Pence will be in jail awaiting trial for treason.  He is a coward & will sing like a bird & confess ALL."  I can't wait.  Of course Trump is reading all this and nodding as vigorously as his neck lard will permit.  He and his silicone sweetie rushed back to Washington last week, ready to be crowned king and queen of America on Wednesday, or possibly just to miss Mike Love and Vanilla Ice.  Did Kimberly Guilfoyle give anyone a lap dance?

Meanwhile, Trump has been advising voters in advance that the Georgia senate runoff is "both illegal and invalid" and demanding the resignation of Brian Kemp.  Unless Loeffler and Perdue win, of course, defying the polls.  David Perdue isn't even campaigning because he was exposed to the "partisan virus or bacteria" despite being a Republican.  

Somebody in Kentucky was really counting on that $600 check and left this New Year's message for The McConnells.  They did better than Nancy Pelosi, whose house was decorated with fake blood and a pig's head.  The people are in an ugly mood.  They're not even trying to spell simple words right.

Wonkette, which may be the greatest thing the internet ever made, published a review of some of the loopier things believed by putative adults last year.  My favorite:  Beyonce is really an Italian woman named Anne Marie Lestrassi.  But they're all fun and mostly harmless.  Mostly.