Operation Cupid Stunt

They walk around expressionless with buds in their ears and heaters bulging in their clothes, as Samuel Spade would say, the men (and occasionally women) in black of the Secret Service.  We forget that they're human beings who laugh and love and hate and do a job nobody else wants, defending the indefensible.  We forget that they can be funny as hell.  For example, there's a story going around that Trump's lunatic joy ride to wave to his cult yesterday has been dubbed "Operation Cupid Stunt."  It seemed too good to be true, so I searched and found the late British comedian Kenny Everett -- Cupid Stunt was an American movie actress he used to portray on talk shows, the name a fairly obvious Spoonerism.  

Good start to the day, hope it's true.  Don't worry, there's plenty of other madness to report.  After a weekend of blessed quiet, Trump is tweeting again more dementedly than ever and of course IN ALL CAPS.  According to Gabriel Sherman at Vanity Fair, Junior is pushing for an intervention but can't convince the rest of the cast of Daddy's Dying...Who's Got the Will? 2.   Dr. Conley, who is a fucking osteopath, is throwing everything he can think of at Trump including the steroid dexamethasone, which can "affect mood, causing euphoria or a general happiness."  (If I had a life-threatening disease and access to actual experts, I would not choose to be treated by a glorified chiropractor.)  Of course it's up to the Cabinet to activate the Twenty-fifth Amendment; of course they won't.   One of them, Barr, is "self-isolating," but he can do just as much harm to the country by phone.

Describing herself as "an essential worker," Kayleigh McEnany wants her legion of fans to know she tested positive but has no symptoms.  No word on who will be abusing the press in her stead.  How about "Invent Your Own Bullshit" Day?  Here's what she said on February 25, 2020:  "We will not see diseases like the coronavirus come here.   Isn't that refreshing when contrasting it with the awful presidency of President Obama?"  Refreshing?  You have no idea.

It's the first Monday in October with an eight-member Supreme Court, and Tom Cotton is so frantic to get Amy Covid Barrett confirmed that he's pushing ahead with the vote, despite the absence of Ron Johnson, Mike Lee and Thom Tillis.  "There is a long and venerable tradition of ill or medically infirm senators being wheeled in to cast critical votes on the Senate floor," he told Maria Bartiromo.  Yeah, ill, not wildly contagious.  Republicans are in the minority in the Oregon state senate, so when a bill comes up that they want to block they just refuse to come to the floor, denying a quorum.  If only Chuck Schumer had a little more gumption, we could keep RBG's seat open for Biden, which is what she wanted.  Moscow's Bitch wouldn't like it, which makes it even better.  Fox News might burst into flames -- where's the down side?

Joe Biden tested negative for covid yesterday but that's not good enough for the New York Times.  After all, he spent ninety minutes on a stage with Trump screaming and blowing uglies in his general direction so why is the campaign being "cagey" about his health?  He wears a mask and gets mocked for it, he doesn't hold indoor fundraisers or crowded rallies, he keeps his distance from mad virus bombers like, well, Trump, how dare he continue to campaign at all?  "Mr. Biden is flouting an important rule in public health, experts said."  Sure, he runs up the steps to his plane without using the handrail but he's 77 and must be faking somehow (or taking debate-enhancing drugs?).  Exactly four years ago how close was Hillary Clinton to death?  This is "fair and balanced" reporting, Times-style.  On Wednesday night Kamala Harris will share a platform with Mike Pence and I'm sure they'll follow it up with "But her blood-count!"

You know who's even older than Biden and tested positive?  Pastor John Hagee!  You may remember him from such humdingers as "God sent Katrina to stop a homosexual parade in New Orleans" and "The Holocaust was the Lord's way of returning the Jewish people to Israel."  In 2008 he called the Catholic Church "the great whore" and had to apologize to William Donohue, who is objectively no better.  Of course he's a yuge Trump supporter -- they bonded over their shared hatred of Muslims -- so this would be the time for some Christian charity.  Here ya go.

By the way, the Supreme Court just ruled 6-2 that a lawsuit against Kim Davis can proceed.  Davis was the Kentucky clerk who refused to grant marriage licenses to same-sex couples in 2015.  I hope this doesn't cause the (obese 80-year-old) pastor to experience a setback.  Mostly because I don't want a tongue-lashing from Rachel Maddow.  Does she not know that this year it's "When they go low we kick them in the 'nads"?

No human in history has taken more crap from more media outlets for so long without responding, so it was beyond gracious of Queen Elizabeth II to issue a statement in support of serious news-gathering organizations, and possibly even the Daily Mail:  "As our world has changed dramatically, having trusted, reliable sources of information, particularly at a time when there are so many sources competing for our attention, is vital."  Just as reporters are being assaulted and jailed in America, murdered everywhere, and that buffoon Johnson is threatening to destroy the BBC, she did not need to add.

This just in:  Trump is leaving the hospital tonight AMA (I watch a lot of ER) because being in a hospital makes him "look weak."  He hates all weakness.  He mocks the disabled and refused to pay for the care of a nephew with cerebral palsy.  He doesn't want wounded, possibly limbless veterans ruining "his" parades.  It's integral to the draft dodger's "macho man" routine, and he doesn't care who dies as long as it's someone else.  Mary Trump reminds us that entrepreneur-pimp Friedrich Drumpf died in the 1918 flu pandemic.  What a cupid stunt.