Government cheesy

 Last April, unemployed Americans who were entitled to a $1,200 stimulus check voted  by Congress had to wait while Trump's monkey-on-crack-EEG signature was printed on each one.  Six months later the economy is still a shambles, so the Department of Agriculture is distributing a hundred million boxes of surplus food -- with a letter in English and Spanish from Trump taking credit.   At least some people will eat, which is more than can be said for most of this regime's spectacular corruption.  Wonderful things, elections.

Leftovers may be all desperate Americans get, as Speaker Pelosi lamented her inability to negotiate a relief package that isn't "the heel of the loaf."  She has been talking to Steve Mnuchin because Trump is afraid of her and won't be in the same room anymore.  House Democrats want $2.2 trillion, but Treasury won't budge from $1.6 trillion.  (I know -- a trillion here, a trillion there, pretty soon...)  

Speaking of money, it may be the only reason to continue this farcical series of "debates" -- Joe Biden raised over $10 million dollars on Tuesday night, most of it in small donations.  Sixty thousand were first-time contributors and 100,000 signed up to volunteer.   Racism and rudeness are an unbeatable combination, it seems, when it comes to making it rain for your opponent.  And Biden didn't even flash a toll-free number on the screen -- people figured it out. (Another $11 million came in on Wednesday.)  Keep encouraging your storm troopers, Hair Fuhrer.  If your campaign had a similar windfall we would have heard about it by now.

Instead, we learned that Bonnie and Clyde McCloskey of St. Louis will be hitting the road for Trump since Kyle Rittenhouse, the campaign's very own Horst Wessel, is unavailable.  Little Kyle, 17, is fighting extradition from Illinois.  His lawyer, Lin Wood, says he's suing Joe Biden for calling little Kyle a white supremacist.  Wood's colorful career has spanned many defamation suits, some of which he won.  In this instance he can call on the Department of Homeland Security, which ordered officials to say nice things about little Kyle.  As a tweeter named Nick Jack Pappas wrote, "Kyle Rittenhouse is now officially a state-sponsored terrorist."

Senate Republicans can smell minority status coming over the horizon and are trying to disinfect themselves after the Tuesday night event.  Mitch McConnell "directed reporters on Wednesday to comments from Senator Tim Scott," though he refrained from using the term "show ____."  And Senator Tim Scott thinks Trump "misspoke," which is why in some places he's known as Uncle Tim.   It's hard enough being a Black Republican without gratuitous insults.  Besides, Uncle Tom was a heroic character.  Read it.  I have.

The Trump campaign is gearing up for Round Two in Miami by raging at Fox News's Chris Wallace for letting Biden occasionally speak;  putting out fake photos of Biden wearing an earpiece so conspicuous I think Madonna uses it onstage; claiming Trump never heard of the "Proud Boys" terrorists he praised two nights ago; brawling with John Roberts of Fox News over Trump's refusal to denounce white supremacy  (careful, Kayleigh, you'll be interviewing there any day); and most hilariously, describing Amy Coney Barrett, latest pretender to Merrick Garland's Supreme Court seat, as a "Rhodes scholar" (actually she went to Rhodes College, a tiny Presbyterian-affiliated school in Memphis).  

This gave Trump time to campaign at another up-close-and-maskless Covidiot convocation.  Not against Biden but against Rep. Ilhan Omar, a regular target of his abuse.  His flunky Steve Cortes has hinted that her naturalization might be in question, adding, "She has to answer a lot of questions."  Like did she lie about being a college graduate, or work as a model without a green card -- no, wait, I'm thinking of someone else.  Trump led the mob in that old favorite "Lock 'er up," but it's definitely getting tired.  Probably she has an earpiece concealed by her hijab, getting orders from ISIS.  Or she's dying of brain cancer, or she's not really a woman.  Have I covered all the Republican talking points?

In local news, Wilkinson County couple Mary Katherin Horton and Joe Yozviak have been charged with murder in the death of their 12-year-old daughter Kaitlyn.  According to the filing, the child's lice infestation was so severe that it caused anemia and eventually a heart attack.  A lot of us are working to turn Georgia blue in this election.  I think it just got two votes easier.