Get happy

 When Robert Benchley was a theater critic, he was forced to sit through a turkey set in the South Pacific.  He made it as far as the second act, when the "native" character uttered the words, "Me Tondelayo.  Tondelayo good girl.  Tondelayo stay."  It was too much.  Rising, Mr. Benchley whispered to his companion, "Me Bobby.  Bobby bad boy.  Bobby go."  Then it was off to the Algonquin for a dry martini.

Buttermilk Sky bad blogger.  No have compassion today.  Instead, may overdose on Schadenfreude.  The better angels, like Joe Biden and Rachel Maddow, have sent get-well-soon messages to them, but don't worry, I won't.  Over 46,000 new cases of Covid-19 were reported yesterday and two of them were Donald and Melania Trump.  Last week we grieved the death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, though it was ourselves and our rights we mourned for.  The Trumpanzees celebrated, and even began selling shirts describing possible Justice Coney-Island as "The Notorious ACB," which is just obscene.  So I don't have the slightest compunction in saying "GO 'RONAVIRUS!  YOU ROCK!"  Not just these two embarrassments, but Ronna McDaniel and Hope Hicks and who knows how many others who have been in proximity to the Unmasked Man and his spawn.  Hey, Jared, where'd you stash all those ventilators when Governor Cuomo was pleading for them last winter?  

Even before the good news I had a surfeit of satisfaction.  Remember Bob Murray, the West Virginia coal operator who denied the existence of black lung disease and fought against benefits for his workers?  He was the subject of the John Oliver musical "Eat Shit, Bob Murray!"  Coprophagia is the least of Murray's problems, according to his recent filing for -- yes, black lung benefits.  Poor, poor Bob.  I hope greed is not a pre-existing condition.

It seems like only a few weeks ago that popular rightwing vaudeville team Jack Burkman and Jacob Wohl hired actors to dress as FBI agents and "raid" Burkman's house to drum up interest in another "press conference" like the ones targeting Robert Mueller, Pete Buttigieg and Elizabeth Warren.  (The actors went public when the geniuses failed to pay them.)  Well, they crossed a line when they robocalled thousands of Midwestern voters with threats of dire consequences for voting.  The Michigan attorney general Dana Nessel announced felony charges of violating election law, which could bring them twelve years in the sneezer to work on new material.   "Prisoners of love, blue skies above..."

What have we learned so far?  

1. Never sue John Oliver.

2. Pay your actors, even if you recruited them on Craigslist.

3. Wear a damn mask.

4. Earwigs in the cauliflower.

That's what Micky Flanagan's mum used to say when she thought someone was listening.  It meant "Shut the fuck up."  I don't know how to say it in Slovenian, but it's too late to help Melania Trump.  The time for the First Escort to STFU was just before she sat down with Stephanie Winston Wolkoff for some girl talk.  Because Wolkoff was secretly recording her for her book Melania and Me (alternate title Innocent Victim My Ass).  I was shocked to learn that she hates Christmas, liberals, and having to go fake concern for children in her husband's squalid camps ("They are taking care nicely there").  The infamous jacket?  "I'm driving liberals crazy.  And they deserve it, you understand?"  Oh, yes.  Message received, and scientists can't wait to see how coronavirus affects someone who is thirty percent silicone and one hundred percent bitch.

It's a lovely day here, but I'm unreliably informed that we're in for TEN DAYS OF DARKNESS.  Yes, it's a Q thing, however did you guess?  Brave people who follow this psychosis report that Trump has gone into seclusion to prepare the end-time.  (Jesus only needed a couple days but he didn't claim to be a Stable Jenius.)  All power and internet will be suspended and then all the Deep State Leftist Enemies of the People will be rounded up, tried by military tribunals and executed so that something something  Adrenochrome chemtrails Hillary's slave colony on Mars Clone Tom Hanks CHILD LIVES MATTER!  I see Wired has also linked this to the centuries-old Blood Libel along with Aldous Huxley and Hunter S. Thompson (what, no Wilhelm Reich and his orgone box?).  Ten days from now they'll be disappointed but confident they just got the date wrong, like true believers always.  The funniest new wrinkle is their nomination of Franklin Graham to Deep State perfidy.  Apparently he told people to wear masks.

 Trump likes to brag about his "good" (Aryan) genes.  We may be about to find out how good they are.  Researchers in Sweden idly trolling through some Neanderthal DNA say a strand of it is turning up in a lot of people with severe Covid-19.   If nothing else it could explain Eric.

This post is a mess, frankly.  (Alastair Sim as Scrooge voice) I don't deserve to be so happy.  But I just can't help it.