State visit, second class

When you visit a country, tell the head of state how much of an honor you are doing him, spend most of your time praising the leader of the country's mortal enemy and the rest playing golf and attacking your political opponents back home, be advised:  Other countries can see you.  In real time.

So it was that Trump's Japan Adventure has already brought consequences.  Britain couldn't tell him to sod off, but it announced changes to his trip next week which are clearly intended to make him announce an "emergy" and cancel.   He won't be getting a carriage ride with the queen "for security reasons," which surely have nothing to do with her desire to spend as little time in his presence as possible.  (You don't keep monarchs waiting.  You don't walk in front of them while reviewing an honor guard.)  He won't be staying in Buckingham Palace due to "renovations" (the place has about four hundred rooms, but Central Services is replacing all the ducts at once).  Best of all, he won't be invited to address the House of Commons, with the Speaker, John Bercow, citing the government's "opposition to racism and to sexism."  He will meet some royalty but not the Duchess of Sussex, who is even more opposed to racism and sexism (official excuse:  she just had a baby).  Cadet Bone Spurs will lay a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown in Westminster Abbey, but the 75th anniversary of D-Day on June 6 is, like the invasion itself, dependent on the weather.  As we know, Trump cannot operate an umbrella and dislikes having his 'do dampened.

Trump can still cause all kinds of trouble and strife (yes, the First Escort is going), but unless he's as stupid as he looks and sounds, Boris Johnson will find some reason to be out of the country for this shitshow.  I'm not saying he's unpopular.  I'm saying that if Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, accidentally dropped a pot of scalding coffee on his crotch, opposition to her becoming queen would melt away.