Pointless museum in brainless state
Think of it as P.T. Barnum with CGI.
There is a corner of Tennessee that would embarrass even Matthew Harrison Brady, the bloviating nemesis of evolutionary theory in Inherit the Wind. In Pigeon Forge, within hymn-shouting distance of the Biblical Times Dinner Theater, Paula Deen's Lumberjack Feud, and of course Dollywood -- which in this context is practically the Bayreuth Festival -- stands "National Enquirer Live!" Starting tomorrow, punters can gawk at 3-D representations of Elvis in his open casket, the moon landing (fake!), Bigfoot (real!) the JFK assassination (is that Rafael Cruz, Sr?), and John Edwards's love-child (not Strom Thurmond's). But the longest line, I'm guessing, will be for the Princess Diana death tunnel re-creation, after which you can vote for the conspiracy theory you prefer. Was she pregnant? Was she murdered? Was she pregnant and murdered? Can't decide? Get in line and see it again. It's all included in the admission price of $24.99 -- $18.99 for children.
So where is the basement of Comet Ping Pong? Why aren't they featuring Hillary's alien baby, which I believe was an Enquirer exclusive? What about the murder of Vince Foster? I would expect them all to be featured in a sort of Haunted Hillary House. Who engineered the cover-up? Inquiring minds want to know!
Everybody has a right to believe something idiotic. Derek Jacobi, a great classical actor and a graduate of Cambridge, has signed on with the anti-Stratfordians, a cult founded by the American crackpot Ignatius Donnelly. Edmund Hilary made many trips to Nepal to look for the Abominable Snowman. Arthur Conan Doyle went in for spiritualism. This sort of thing is harmless except to one's own reputation, as harmless as gluing a fish tail to a mummified monkey and calling it a mermaid. The suggestible will pay a lot to be fooled -- Barnum charged only a dime. But there is a line between bullshit and slander, and monetizing ignorance can have terrible consequences. The ignorant get to vote.
There is a corner of Tennessee that would embarrass even Matthew Harrison Brady, the bloviating nemesis of evolutionary theory in Inherit the Wind. In Pigeon Forge, within hymn-shouting distance of the Biblical Times Dinner Theater, Paula Deen's Lumberjack Feud, and of course Dollywood -- which in this context is practically the Bayreuth Festival -- stands "National Enquirer Live!" Starting tomorrow, punters can gawk at 3-D representations of Elvis in his open casket, the moon landing (fake!), Bigfoot (real!) the JFK assassination (is that Rafael Cruz, Sr?), and John Edwards's love-child (not Strom Thurmond's). But the longest line, I'm guessing, will be for the Princess Diana death tunnel re-creation, after which you can vote for the conspiracy theory you prefer. Was she pregnant? Was she murdered? Was she pregnant and murdered? Can't decide? Get in line and see it again. It's all included in the admission price of $24.99 -- $18.99 for children.
So where is the basement of Comet Ping Pong? Why aren't they featuring Hillary's alien baby, which I believe was an Enquirer exclusive? What about the murder of Vince Foster? I would expect them all to be featured in a sort of Haunted Hillary House. Who engineered the cover-up? Inquiring minds want to know!
Everybody has a right to believe something idiotic. Derek Jacobi, a great classical actor and a graduate of Cambridge, has signed on with the anti-Stratfordians, a cult founded by the American crackpot Ignatius Donnelly. Edmund Hilary made many trips to Nepal to look for the Abominable Snowman. Arthur Conan Doyle went in for spiritualism. This sort of thing is harmless except to one's own reputation, as harmless as gluing a fish tail to a mummified monkey and calling it a mermaid. The suggestible will pay a lot to be fooled -- Barnum charged only a dime. But there is a line between bullshit and slander, and monetizing ignorance can have terrible consequences. The ignorant get to vote.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 4:16 PM
1 Comments:
Just to set the record straight, Hillary's Alien Baby was reported by the fearless journalists at News of the World, not The Enquirer. Yes, they are, or were, sibling publications. But give credit where it's due.
This entire topic reminds me of a lesson in journalism, taught to me I 1962 by the late Bob Harrison, who bears the dubious distinction of being the father of sleaze-a-loid journalism with his invention of Confidential Magazine(before irate subjects of its reporting sued it out of business), and later Inside News, not to mention the girlie books Wink and Titter.
"I'm gonna give you a test, kid," he said to me. "Here's a headline: Famous Movie Actor Gets Drunk, Gets Into Sports Car, Kills Six People. Is that news?"
"Sure it is," I told him.
"The hell it's not!" he roared. "ANYBODY can get drunk, get into a sports car and kill six people. Famous Movie Actor Gets Drunk on WATER, Gets Into Sports Car, Kills Six People — that's news."
"I agree it's news," I told him "But where the hell can you find news like that?"
"There's only one way, kid," he told me. "You gotta make it up."
Yours crankily,
The New York Crank
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