Dump Trump Hump Day
Last night on "I Am Too a Doctor, with Laura Ingraham," Jefferson "Three-Fifths of a Man" Sessions asserted that his policy of separating and jailing migrant families is nothing like the Third Reich because "in Nazi Germany they were keeping the Jews from leaving the country." Not surprisingly, this is a lie. Hitler himself said Jews were free to leave, providing they paid a stiff exit charge and took only what they could carry. Few countries were willing to accept them, including this one. Perhaps in addition to, or instead of, Obama, JeffBo would like to blame FDR for his own depravity.
Why is everybody picking on Corey Lewandowski, one of Trump's campaign managers not currently in jail? Kids with Down Syndrome are funny, never more so than when separated from their mothers and locked in a cage. They're at least as funny as a reporter in a wheelchair. Don't you libs have any sense of humor? Jeez, lighten up.
Kirstjen Nielsen -- these foreign names are lighting up my spell-check -- was relaxing in an upscale Mexican restaurant last night. No, wait, that's not the joke. She was set upon by shouting demonstrators saying really hateful things like "If the kids don't enjoy their food, neither do you." When Trump harangues his mob in Someplace, Minnesota tonight, expect him to whine about how much people (especially him) sacrifice to serve in the government. Nielsen left without dessert.
Alan Dershowitz, who was a respected law professor before he signed on with O.J. Simpson's Dream Team, expressed outrage that in America, people can be jailed before trial. Not the thousands of Americans who sit in jail, sometimes for years, because they can't afford bail. No, certainly not brown toddlers whose parents brought them here to escape horrific violence. Guess. Go on, guess. POOR PAUL MANAFORT, who violated the terms of his bail, and who has more passports than the Toronto Blue Jays and more money than the Kansas public schools. But his lawyers promised the judge he wouldn't witness-tamper any more! What kind of country have we become?
I'll tell you what kind. The kind where the "president" is forced to cancel the annual Congressional picnic because "It just didn't feel right to me." Those poor kids look forward all year to spending time with their parents at the White House and eating barbecue, but just because everybody from Franklin Graham to Bernie Sanders says breaking up families is wrong...well, I don't know. Hey, Paul Ryan, "Buddy" Carter, Steve King, Louis Gohmert, Ted Cruz, Marsha Blackburn et al., why not take them to a nice Mexican restaurant instead?
Melanie Trump came downstairs today to display her newly-enlarged boobs kidney procedure to the king and queen of Spain. Then she complained to the Secret Service about an angry tweet from Peter Fonda proposing the kidnaping of bed-wetting anchor-baby Barron. Has everyone lost all sense of humor? And proportion? I get it. It's tough to be pushing 50 and have to compete with your feckless step-daughter, and all surgery hurts, even when the taxpayers are paying the bills. Just shut up, OK, Melons? And we'll stop asking to see that visa application where you lied about being a college graduate.
Shoes for industry! And for ramping up pointless trade wars, too! Hi, I'm Joe Beet. Did you know Canadians come here and buy shoes and scuff them up so they "sound old" (direct quote) and wear them home to avoid yuge Canadian VAT? Of course, this only screws Canada, so why Metamucilini cares is anybody's guess, but it's firmly lodged in his suppurating brain now. A digression: Remember Mr. Dick in David Copperfield? He was a harmless loony who liked to fly kites and was obsessed with the severed head of King Charles I. Whatever the topic of conversation, he managed to bring it around to his idee fixe. Aunt Betsey looked after him and made sure he never became prime minister or anything. Well, we've got out own Mr. Dick, in every sense. Put him in front of a crowd for an announced speech about the economy, foreign policy, or even the fucking infrastructure, and eventually you'll hear about the electoral vote, steam-powered catapults, "beautiful clean coal," MS-13, the awesomeness of Putin, Crooked Hillary, and the ingratitude of football players who don't stand for the anthem. Not a harmless loony. And now it's Canadians buying shoes, probably made in China anyway.
Do busloads of Americans on Medicare still go to Canada to fill their prescriptions? Someone might want to look into this.
Let's take a moment to send thoughts and prayers to Ann Coulter, who is having a no-good, very bad day. If Metamucilini signs the royal decree reversing the crimes against humanity he ordered at the southern border, she is going to be very vexed and sad about America. According to Coulter, all these people are "crisis actors" just pretending to be desperate asylum-seekers so Trump won't be allowed to "win." She read about it in a New Yorker article no one else can find. Thousands of people, mostly Spanish-speaking, some illiterate, provided with scripts and coaching just to make Trump look bad -- that Soros really is the Napoleon of crime, huh?
He signed it! He's holding it up so we can admire that monkey-on-crack signature. The babies will be released from "tender care" (I couldn't make this shit up) and returned to their mothers and all will be well, because it's all the fault of the Democrats but it was necessary to protect the homeland and most of these kids are in gangs already but when The Wall is built -- did you hear that? It sounded like "Auld Lang Syne." Oh, no, not Guy Lombardo again.
It's World Refugee Day. The current Secretary of State just promised, "We will help the world's most vulnerable." And my irony-meter just burst into flames.
Why is everybody picking on Corey Lewandowski, one of Trump's campaign managers not currently in jail? Kids with Down Syndrome are funny, never more so than when separated from their mothers and locked in a cage. They're at least as funny as a reporter in a wheelchair. Don't you libs have any sense of humor? Jeez, lighten up.
Kirstjen Nielsen -- these foreign names are lighting up my spell-check -- was relaxing in an upscale Mexican restaurant last night. No, wait, that's not the joke. She was set upon by shouting demonstrators saying really hateful things like "If the kids don't enjoy their food, neither do you." When Trump harangues his mob in Someplace, Minnesota tonight, expect him to whine about how much people (especially him) sacrifice to serve in the government. Nielsen left without dessert.
Alan Dershowitz, who was a respected law professor before he signed on with O.J. Simpson's Dream Team, expressed outrage that in America, people can be jailed before trial. Not the thousands of Americans who sit in jail, sometimes for years, because they can't afford bail. No, certainly not brown toddlers whose parents brought them here to escape horrific violence. Guess. Go on, guess. POOR PAUL MANAFORT, who violated the terms of his bail, and who has more passports than the Toronto Blue Jays and more money than the Kansas public schools. But his lawyers promised the judge he wouldn't witness-tamper any more! What kind of country have we become?
I'll tell you what kind. The kind where the "president" is forced to cancel the annual Congressional picnic because "It just didn't feel right to me." Those poor kids look forward all year to spending time with their parents at the White House and eating barbecue, but just because everybody from Franklin Graham to Bernie Sanders says breaking up families is wrong...well, I don't know. Hey, Paul Ryan, "Buddy" Carter, Steve King, Louis Gohmert, Ted Cruz, Marsha Blackburn et al., why not take them to a nice Mexican restaurant instead?
Melanie Trump came downstairs today to display her
Shoes for industry! And for ramping up pointless trade wars, too! Hi, I'm Joe Beet. Did you know Canadians come here and buy shoes and scuff them up so they "sound old" (direct quote) and wear them home to avoid yuge Canadian VAT? Of course, this only screws Canada, so why Metamucilini cares is anybody's guess, but it's firmly lodged in his suppurating brain now. A digression: Remember Mr. Dick in David Copperfield? He was a harmless loony who liked to fly kites and was obsessed with the severed head of King Charles I. Whatever the topic of conversation, he managed to bring it around to his idee fixe. Aunt Betsey looked after him and made sure he never became prime minister or anything. Well, we've got out own Mr. Dick, in every sense. Put him in front of a crowd for an announced speech about the economy, foreign policy, or even the fucking infrastructure, and eventually you'll hear about the electoral vote, steam-powered catapults, "beautiful clean coal," MS-13, the awesomeness of Putin, Crooked Hillary, and the ingratitude of football players who don't stand for the anthem. Not a harmless loony. And now it's Canadians buying shoes, probably made in China anyway.
Do busloads of Americans on Medicare still go to Canada to fill their prescriptions? Someone might want to look into this.
Let's take a moment to send thoughts and prayers to Ann Coulter, who is having a no-good, very bad day. If Metamucilini signs the royal decree reversing the crimes against humanity he ordered at the southern border, she is going to be very vexed and sad about America. According to Coulter, all these people are "crisis actors" just pretending to be desperate asylum-seekers so Trump won't be allowed to "win." She read about it in a New Yorker article no one else can find. Thousands of people, mostly Spanish-speaking, some illiterate, provided with scripts and coaching just to make Trump look bad -- that Soros really is the Napoleon of crime, huh?
He signed it! He's holding it up so we can admire that monkey-on-crack signature. The babies will be released from "tender care" (I couldn't make this shit up) and returned to their mothers and all will be well, because it's all the fault of the Democrats but it was necessary to protect the homeland and most of these kids are in gangs already but when The Wall is built -- did you hear that? It sounded like "Auld Lang Syne." Oh, no, not Guy Lombardo again.
It's World Refugee Day. The current Secretary of State just promised, "We will help the world's most vulnerable." And my irony-meter just burst into flames.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 12:46 PM
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