Distractions? Very well, then, distractions

The Philadelphia Eagles were invited to a yuge UpAmerica event at the W. House to be honored for their Super Bowl victory, and probably so Trump could take credit for it.  But most of them declined to be used as props in the 2020 election campaign, so the party was cancelled.  More cupcakes for Donnie!  Ironically, they were just about the only team that never took a knee during the anthem last season, but clearly they hate the troops.  I still won't do the social media, but this nice woman does and I wanted to share.  The NBA championship will be decided later this week, but several players, including LeBron James, have already sent their R.S.V.P. to the W. House, and it's "no fucking way."
Sad!

Eric "Also Fredo" Trump runs the family whinery, and this is his latest lament:  "Every day you get abused by somebody.  And the next thing you know, you're being parodied on Saturday Night Live...My father's life became exponentially worse the minute he decided to run for president."

Funny thing, so did ours, Sleazy.  But this is not new.  SNL has been parodying presidents since Dan Aykroyd played Jimmy Carter.  All of them took it, and much worse, with a modicum of dignity, even when they didn't like it.  You make it sound like the work of sketch comedians is the equivalent of getting shoes thrown at you by an Iraqi journalist, or shot by a deranged Jodie Foster fan, or the torrent of racist shit that still rains down on Obama.  I'd tell you to grow the fuck up, but that doesn't seem to be an option in your toxic family.  So go cheat on your wife like a regular Trump.

A customer named Ashanea Davis was leaving the Target store in Southfield, Michigan, when she was stopped, handcuffed, and taken to a back room.  There, male employees forced her to strip to prove she was not wearing a stolen bikini under her clothes.  (She wasn't.)  It looks like those Starbucks knock-off-the-racism trainers have another job to do.

Thank the lordy Christian bakers won't be forced to provide cakes for events they disapprove of.  I predict this SCOTUS decision will stand until a baker with pacifist principles refuses to make dessert for a West Point graduation.  Not a door you want to pry open, especially since religion is inextricably linked to hate and violence.  Religion needs encouragement the way Trump needs calories.

Oh dear, Bill Clinton and James Patterson have made a book.  Since Patterson is notorious for handing the actual writing of his novels to a crew of ink-stained wretches he keeps in the cellar -- he does provide them with detailed plots and characters, I'm told -- I have no idea who put the actual words on the paper here.  Maybe robots.