Kiss kiss, bang bang
Erstwhile felon Oliver North hit the ground running as the new president of the Murder Lobby -- ten dead and ten wounded at Santa Fe High School in Texas. It was his duty to get out there and defend unregulated gun ownership as the glory of the republic, and he did not disappoint. Naturally those kids at Parkland had already weighed in, so Ollie dismissed them as "dupes."
Chris Wallace: Who is using the Parkland students?
North: We know that -- we know what Mayor Bloomberg is up to. We know what George Soros has funded. I mean, in our business, his creations have gone after you, me, and everybody else.
Let's break that down. "In our business" -- until last month Ollie labored alongside Wallace at Official People's Fox News, and it's hard to break the habit. "What Mayor Bloomberg is up to" sounds appropriately sinister; what exactly is he up to? Never mind. We know. George Soros is the all-purpose bogeyman/paymaster of the nut right. He might as well change his name to Rothschild and be done with it. By "his creations" I assume he means "creatures," unless Soros has branched out into couture. ("Who are you wearing?" "George Soros, and the shoes are by Jeremy Corbyn.") But by no means was Ollie attacking the Parkland survivors by saying they're too dumb to reach their own conclusions about mass murder.
Never mind, he's new. Not like Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick, who studied Santa Fe High School for eleven seconds and put his finger on the problem: too many doors. The shooter, another of these white guys who thinks he's entitled to sex or to shoot any girl who won't provide it -- and nineteen other people just to drive home the point -- had his choice of entrances. Eliminate all but one, and the problem goes away. (I can't be the only person who instantly thought of the Triangle Shirtwaist Company.) Tell me, Dan, when someone who has opted for the Second Amendment solution to his dating problems enters your kid's school armed for combat, do you really want said gunman to be between Dan Junior and the only door? You haven't really thought about this, have you? And why am I trying to reason with a Texas Republican?
Notice how I'm not including this murderer's name. Enough is enough.
Chris Wallace: Who is using the Parkland students?
North: We know that -- we know what Mayor Bloomberg is up to. We know what George Soros has funded. I mean, in our business, his creations have gone after you, me, and everybody else.
Let's break that down. "In our business" -- until last month Ollie labored alongside Wallace at Official People's Fox News, and it's hard to break the habit. "What Mayor Bloomberg is up to" sounds appropriately sinister; what exactly is he up to? Never mind. We know. George Soros is the all-purpose bogeyman/paymaster of the nut right. He might as well change his name to Rothschild and be done with it. By "his creations" I assume he means "creatures," unless Soros has branched out into couture. ("Who are you wearing?" "George Soros, and the shoes are by Jeremy Corbyn.") But by no means was Ollie attacking the Parkland survivors by saying they're too dumb to reach their own conclusions about mass murder.
Never mind, he's new. Not like Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick, who studied Santa Fe High School for eleven seconds and put his finger on the problem: too many doors. The shooter, another of these white guys who thinks he's entitled to sex or to shoot any girl who won't provide it -- and nineteen other people just to drive home the point -- had his choice of entrances. Eliminate all but one, and the problem goes away. (I can't be the only person who instantly thought of the Triangle Shirtwaist Company.) Tell me, Dan, when someone who has opted for the Second Amendment solution to his dating problems enters your kid's school armed for combat, do you really want said gunman to be between Dan Junior and the only door? You haven't really thought about this, have you? And why am I trying to reason with a Texas Republican?
Notice how I'm not including this murderer's name. Enough is enough.
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 2:21 PM
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