The great orange hype
Jack Johnson was perhaps the greatest heavyweight of all time, especially since his career fell between the Civil War and World War I. He faced a level of danger and rage that was far more virulent than even Muhammad Ali had to face, and he did so with an insouciance that made the haters lose their shit, reveling in his wealth and dating white women when that was a lynchable offence everywhere in the United States. To use him as a cynical prop should make a sinkhole open up under your front lawn.
Seventy-two years after his death and 105 years after his conviction under the Mann Act, Johnson was pardoned by "the least racist person you will ever meet" (his own hilarious self-description), at the urging of a mediocre actor who became famous for playing a boxer -- actually, the same boxer over and over. And since everything is an occasion to score points off Barack Obama, he had to point out that Congress recommended the pardon in 2015. What he failed to mention is that Obama chose not to sign because of allegations of domestic abuse against Johnson, clearly not a problem for the pussy-grabbing, evangelical-pandering adulterer. Not a racist! Not a racist! Obama's the racist! Why let this opportunity go to waste? Let's get Kanye to tell him to pardon Marcus Garvey.
It was a needed distraction from yet another week of failure, most notably the cancelled Singapore Spring Fling with Kim Jong-un. As I see it, even the thick-witted Teabagger Pompeo realized that nothing good could come of this and started a rumor that Kim was afraid of a coup while he was out of the country. Then Pence and Bolton began yammering about Libya and Qaddafi, which is exactly how every Kim-class thug does not want to end his career, and finally Trump jumped in and said it was his idea to cancel the party. What to do with all the commemorative coins he already ordered, at taxpayer expense? Keep an eye on the Home Shopping Network. And kiss that Nobel goodbye. The intelligence professionals Trump despises are pretty sure Kim's nuclear program ended in catastrophe a few months back, but not to worry -- Trump's bluster about America's destructive capacity will have it up again in no time. So much winning.
I'm not sure if I believe in coincidence, but I am sure our friends at the NFL chose the wrong week to decree that all players on the field must stand for the national anthem. Freedom of speech is unnecessary, racist police are ghosts of the past. Except, no. Milwaukee Bucks rookie Sterling Brown pulled into a drugstore parking lot at 2 am and parked in two spots designated for drivers with disabilities. When he came out, no fewer than six police were jumping out of their vee-hicles, Tasers and guns at the ready. (To be fair, Brown was wearing a hoodie. It was cold.) The Milwaukee Police Department, still trying to live down its "Car 54" treatment of Jeffrey Dahmer a generation ago, has obviously adopted a zero-tolerance policy toward parking violations. Brown was yelled at, Tased, handcuffed and thrown to the ground. The police chief has apologized, but clearly it's time for NBA players to start taking a knee. Hell, lacrosse players, tennis players, World Series of Poker players.
Because even as this news broke, we were learning about Cody Meredith of Taylor, Michigan, then eighteen, who was beaten and arrested for turning into his own driveway without using a turn signal. He's still alive, and suing, which counts as a good outcome. The culture seems to be signaling that maybe it's better if black people don't drive at all. Or use public parks. Or shop. What comes next? I wonder if the Nuremberg Laws are online somewhere.
Over in the realm of freelance racism we find a familiar face: George Zimmerman is broke. He says he's millions of dollars in debt because, well, he doesn't have a job and he's being sued by the private investigator he harassed, who's making a movie about Trayvon Martin. He had no luck selling the gun he used to kill Martin (I can't believe the cops gave it back to him, but -- Florida). He keeps getting arrested. He needs a public defender. Sad is not the word. What is the word? Oh. Yeah. Karma.
Update: Just when you thought the presidency could not be degraded any further, it is being reported that the Johnson pardon was a stunt to publicize a new Stallone movie. Ka-ching!
Seventy-two years after his death and 105 years after his conviction under the Mann Act, Johnson was pardoned by "the least racist person you will ever meet" (his own hilarious self-description), at the urging of a mediocre actor who became famous for playing a boxer -- actually, the same boxer over and over. And since everything is an occasion to score points off Barack Obama, he had to point out that Congress recommended the pardon in 2015. What he failed to mention is that Obama chose not to sign because of allegations of domestic abuse against Johnson, clearly not a problem for the pussy-grabbing, evangelical-pandering adulterer. Not a racist! Not a racist! Obama's the racist! Why let this opportunity go to waste? Let's get Kanye to tell him to pardon Marcus Garvey.
It was a needed distraction from yet another week of failure, most notably the cancelled Singapore Spring Fling with Kim Jong-un. As I see it, even the thick-witted Teabagger Pompeo realized that nothing good could come of this and started a rumor that Kim was afraid of a coup while he was out of the country. Then Pence and Bolton began yammering about Libya and Qaddafi, which is exactly how every Kim-class thug does not want to end his career, and finally Trump jumped in and said it was his idea to cancel the party. What to do with all the commemorative coins he already ordered, at taxpayer expense? Keep an eye on the Home Shopping Network. And kiss that Nobel goodbye. The intelligence professionals Trump despises are pretty sure Kim's nuclear program ended in catastrophe a few months back, but not to worry -- Trump's bluster about America's destructive capacity will have it up again in no time. So much winning.
I'm not sure if I believe in coincidence, but I am sure our friends at the NFL chose the wrong week to decree that all players on the field must stand for the national anthem. Freedom of speech is unnecessary, racist police are ghosts of the past. Except, no. Milwaukee Bucks rookie Sterling Brown pulled into a drugstore parking lot at 2 am and parked in two spots designated for drivers with disabilities. When he came out, no fewer than six police were jumping out of their vee-hicles, Tasers and guns at the ready. (To be fair, Brown was wearing a hoodie. It was cold.) The Milwaukee Police Department, still trying to live down its "Car 54" treatment of Jeffrey Dahmer a generation ago, has obviously adopted a zero-tolerance policy toward parking violations. Brown was yelled at, Tased, handcuffed and thrown to the ground. The police chief has apologized, but clearly it's time for NBA players to start taking a knee. Hell, lacrosse players, tennis players, World Series of Poker players.
Because even as this news broke, we were learning about Cody Meredith of Taylor, Michigan, then eighteen, who was beaten and arrested for turning into his own driveway without using a turn signal. He's still alive, and suing, which counts as a good outcome. The culture seems to be signaling that maybe it's better if black people don't drive at all. Or use public parks. Or shop. What comes next? I wonder if the Nuremberg Laws are online somewhere.
Over in the realm of freelance racism we find a familiar face: George Zimmerman is broke. He says he's millions of dollars in debt because, well, he doesn't have a job and he's being sued by the private investigator he harassed, who's making a movie about Trayvon Martin. He had no luck selling the gun he used to kill Martin (I can't believe the cops gave it back to him, but -- Florida). He keeps getting arrested. He needs a public defender. Sad is not the word. What is the word? Oh. Yeah. Karma.
Update: Just when you thought the presidency could not be degraded any further, it is being reported that the Johnson pardon was a stunt to publicize a new Stallone movie. Ka-ching!
posted by Buttermilk Sky at 1:21 PM
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