Play ball!

Somebody set the pitching machine on Bob Gibson Fastball, but I'm batting them out as fast as I can.

Remember Adm. Ronny Jackson, the Navy doctor who lied his ass off about how Trump was so fit and healthy, he'd outlive us all?  Today he got his payoff, being named Secretary of Veterans Affairs.  Does he have any experience running a huge bureaucracy, or even a small bakery?  Of course not.  Why would you even ask?  Seat him between DeVos and Carson and let him soak up their wisdom.  Which picture is a camel, Ronny?

Will Trump congratulate Abdel al-Sisi on his victory in the Egyptian presidential election?  Of course he will.  Sisi got 92% of the vote, which is almost as historic and amazing as Trump's yuge electoral college total.  Of course, only 40% of Egyptians bothered to vote, but it's still...impressive.

Louie Gohmert (R-Himagain) wants March 31 proclaimed "National Border Control Day," for no particular reason except it's the birthday of Cesar Chavez.  Get it?  Meanwhile, Trump's continued failure to build the goddam wall has cost him the love of Ann Coulter, author of In Trump We Trust and several other volumes suitable for training a puppy.  "Ignoramus," she calls him, driven by frustration into cod Latin.  I love it when they scrap among themselves.  

Trump's got all manner of woman trouble, not even including the Stormy front.  Rumors swirl that FPOTUS, still in Mar-a-Legomyeggo, wants to take her anchor baby son and go far, far away.  Trump's pants must be wrinkled because he spent the morning yelling for Hope Hicks; he had to be reminded that the Communications Director quit, and the replacement is still cleaning out her desk at Fox News.  He was too busy with Executive Time to call the family of Stephon Clark, but he did manage to congratulate Roseanne Barr on her "new" sitcom.  (If the show gets "picked up," as the TV people say, Sarah Palin will have to find another diction coach.)

So he cheered himself up with another semi-literate tweet about perpetual foe Jeff Bezos, proprietor of the Washington Post and self-made billionaire, two distinctions that make Donzo crazy.  Crazier.  He accused Amazon of driving retailers out of business, which is probably true -- it began years ago with brick-and-mortar book stores, not that Trump has ever been inside one.  Then he ranted that they don't collect sales tax, which is, as Addison DeWitt would say, "a stupid lie, easy to disprove."  Most bizarrely, he accused them of "using our Postal System as their Delivery Boy," which begs the question, just what the hell does he think it's for?  Amazon pays the postal service, the postal service delivers its packages, and this is somehow "bad for the US"?  What harms the postal service is Republican congressmen demanding it pony up seventy-five years' worth of pension funds all at once (I'm looking at you, Darrell Issa -- and bleh, I'm quickly looking away).  Under the circumstances, they're probably happy to get Amazon's business, until drones start delivering everything.

Laura Ingraham, the reasonably priced Ann Coulter, decided to attack David Hogg over his failure to get into the University of California.  Bad idea.  The sponsors of her radio show were in full flight by noon, and she had to issue a half-assed apology.  Be afraid, Murder Lobby.  Because this time we ARE coming for your guns.

By the way, I notice that "Real Time With Bill Maher" is a rerun this week.  Maher hates religion, but he doesn't work on Good Friday.  Interesting.