Comedy tonight!

[COLD OPEN]

(The dining room of the Mar-A-Lago Country Club and White Citizens Council Headquarters, Palm Beach.  Alec Baldwin is hosting a dinner for the Japanese prime minister, played by Margaret Cho.  An aide enters breathlessly. 

Aide:  Mr. President, the North Koreans have just --

Baldwin:  Hold it, we got a salad coming.  Mr. Ali, you will love this salad, absolutely the greatest salad, believe me --

PM:  Abe.  My name is Abe.  All day you have called me Ali.

Aide:  Mr. President, a missile --

Baldwin:  Steve?  You wanna take this?  Any guy named Steve?

Aide:  North Korea has fired an intercontinental missile with nuclear capability.

Baldwin:  Nuclear?  Where's my football guy?  Where's the guy with the launch codes?  We can launch right now...

Aide:  Mr. President, it landed in the Sea of Japan.  There is no immediate risk, but the CIA thought you should know --

Baldwin:  The CIA?  I know more than the CIA.  I have a very good brain.  Hey, you, Pedro, more bacon and cheese on my salad!

Second aide:  Sir, we're getting more reports about the missile --

Baldwin (pulls out phone):  Is it on Twitter? 

(Other aides crowd around, staring at phones, unfolding documents.)

Baldwin:  Where is the Sea of Japan?

Abe:  Between Korea and Japan.  May I --

Baldwin:  Hey, Kellyanne!  Where is Korea?

Second aide:  It's on CNN, sir.

Baldwin:  Fake news!  Fake news!  Where's my steak?

(The room fills with people looking at classified information on various devices.)

Baldwin:  No email!  Use couriers!

Man:  Hey, I've been a member for seven years!  Can I get a selfie?

Baldwin:  Hurry up, I have to stop by the ballroom and talk to a wedding party.

Aide:  What shall I tell the press?

Baldwin:  LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!


Writes itself, doesn't it?