Thursday, March 02, 2023



This cracked me up.  Kaepernick looks heartbroken.

It's like the kid who makes a list of all the mean people he's not inviting to his birthday party but nobody cares.  Kid grows up to be Eric Trump.  Still nobody cares.

The Florida legislature must be the goofiest place on earth, where every goof is coming up with stunts that will allow him/her to somersault into the state house as soon as Ron DeSantis becomes president and Tickle Me Elmo becomes pope.  Blaise Ingoglio is currently entertaining the state senate with his "Ultimate Cancel Act" which would outlaw any party whose platform once supported slavery.  He cleverly doesn't use the word "Democratic" but he's pretty specific about those uppity folks who now want to take all the pretty Confederate monuments away.  No cognitive dissonance at all.  He wants Democrats to "face their past," which is going to be hard in a state intent on destroying AP history and putting the Toni Morrison and Ta-Nehisi Coates books under lock and key.  As George Ade wrote, "Don't try to Figure it out."

On the subject of facing one's past, Miss Juanita Jean at The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon has alerted us to another one:  Texas legislator Nate Schatzline of the criminalize drag shows-make life unbearable for gay and trans kids axis.  Yeah, that's him in drag.  What did you think, the gorilla mask?  I have no idea what the rubber mallet is about.  Must be a Texas thing.

"Who the fuck is Mark Houck?" you may have heard America asking after Josh Hawley made him the Hunter Biden's Laptop of yesterday's Judiciary Committee hearing.  Houck is an anti-abortion fanatic who runs something called The King's Men (I don't know which king, probably Jesus).  He was arrested last fall for violating the Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrances (FACE) Act and also for shoving a 72-year-old man.  He was also acquitted and allowed to resume being an asshole, but that wasn't good enough for Quick-Exit Hawley.  He and some of the other nuisances raged at Merrick Garland for sending jack-booted thugs with "long guns" to the house of this pious Catholic and terrorizing his family and why does Joe Biden hate Catholics?  Well?  They brought pictures and ranted and yelled and nailed down their next appearance on Fox News where Houck is Ashli Babbitt with a pulse, although it was Morning Hate with Steve Bannon where he proclaimed himself ready to "take on white martyrdom."  It was surreal and Merrick Garland deserves a raise and a vacation somewhere nice.

Just to be clear, not these Kingsmen:

Have you heard of the Brunson brothers?  I hadn't.  I'm told that Raland, Deroy and Loy Brunson are passionate MAGAts who were tired of waiting for Mike Lindell to present his evidence and sued Rep. Alma S. Adams, a Democrat who represents the North Carolina 12th in the House (Brunson v. Adams is the official name of the suit).  Since these jokers live in Utah you're probably wondering why.  Me too.  Apparently she is alphabetically the first of the nearly four hundred members who voted to certify Joe Biden the winner of the 2020 election.  For the second time the US Supreme Court has refused to listen to their very serious arguments, so Raland says, "Moving on to plan C."  He's not prepared to reveal it yet but keep watching the skies -- for China balloons, Jewish space lasers, whatever.

And now I'm wondering why they didn't sue Mitt Romney.  He lives in Utah, much easier to serve.  Maybe that's plan C.

I'm starting to think Tennessee is just Texas with an extra syllable.  State representative Paul Sherrell was part of a discussion about allowing firing squad executions, the latest manifestation of fake toughness and genuine cruelty in the Republiklan.  Sherrell wanted to add an amendment to include "hanging by a tree," which used to happen with some regularity in the state, not legal but never punished.  Sherrell now says he "sincerely apologizes to anyone who may have been hurt or offended."  Sure he does.  Now back to Tennessee's gravest problem, drag shows.

Actually Tennessee has a bigger problem:  a judge in Lincoln County has stopped Jack Daniel's from building a warehouse because Baudoinia compniacensis, a fungus that loves wooden casks, is loose in the neighborhood.  A business owner says it's out of control and damaging her property.  Imagine, the one thing Tennessee is justly proud of is just as bad as trainloads of toxic chemicals.  We'll know they're addressing the problem if the price of the whiskey goes up and Biden gets blamed.

All right, who did it?  The Little Mermaid in Copenhagen harbor has been subjected to many acts of vandalism over the years including decapitation, but daubing her base with the colors of the Russian flag is the lowest.  Nazi Germany occupied Denmark for five years and never sank to anything like this.

Who says sanctions don't work?  Oleg Deripaska says that without considerable foreign investment Russia will run out of money next year.  I'm mentally revising that Daily News headline from 1975:  WORLD TO PUTIN:  DROP DEAD

Another unhinged Trump tweet to get us into the weekend:  Enraged by Rupert Murdoch's testimony in the Dominion Voting Systems case, the world's most decrepit toddler called his network "MAGA Hating Globalist RINOS" and reiterating that the 2020 election was "Stollen." 

It wouldn't be a day without a verbal seizure by Empty Greene.  On Tuesday she accused Biden of culpability for the fentanyl deaths of two brothers in 2020, while he was a private citizen.  The President merely chuckled, "Isn't she amazing?" and suggested that her antics are creating bipartisan support for some of his initiatives.  It was reminiscent of his 2008 "debate" with Sarah Palin, treating her as a rather ditsy but harmless niece.  It still works.




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