Sunday, December 02, 2007

Dearborn debate: epilogue

Mr. Interlocutor: As you know, a man who could have had a bomb strapped to his body burst into the Rochester, New Hampshire, campaign office of Senator Hillary Clinton, took several hostages, and demanded to speak to Mrs. Clinton before being taken into custody by police. If you were president, how would you have dealt with this situation which could easily have turned tragic?

Rudolph Giuliani: I am the only candidate with a proven record of thtanding up to catathtrophe by holding preth conferenthes with my coat off. When the firtht 911 call came in, I would dithpatch a thwat team to the thene with orderth to shoot to kill. I wouldn't care if 911 deranged maniacth invaded 911 campaign offitheth. We should all be willing to thubmit to authority in order to pretherve our freedomth.

Mitt Romney: Well, this is why we need to expand our enhanced interrogation facilities at Guantanamo and enhancedly interrogate all potential terrorists who would harm this great and God-fearing country in the name of terror and terrorism. And I would just point out that this person walked right past the Obama headquarters down the street because he knew a male candidate would respond without becoming emotional or hysterical, as Mrs. Clinton probably did, wherever she was.

Mike Huckabee: Let me tell you, I know what it feels like to have a bomb strapped to your body, because I used to weigh 250 pounds. But seriously, we can expect more of this kind of thing as long as we keep God out of our public schools and replace him with evolution, which is just a theory I don't happen to accept. God bless America.

Ron Paul: As a libertarian, I would abolish government at all levels. Citizens would be free to hire private security firms to guard their lives and property. And who knows more about dealing with crazed suicide bombers, Blackwater or the cop on the beat? Air strikes, lots of them.

Fred Thompson: Cut taxes! Sorry, I was takin' a nap. Are they ready for me in makeup?

Tom Tancredo: There's no evidence that this guy was an illegal immigrant, but he easily could have been. I mean, look how close New Hampshire is to the border. I think it's right next to it. I could be wrong. But I would close our borders to madmen who would destroy our country. In fact, I would deport everyone who wasn't born here, including my grandmother.

John McCain: Well, it's very important to assess the situation as it unfolds, without overreacting until it's time to overreact, under the Constitution with the exception of those powers which are reserved for the president alone, in an emergency, in order to...what was the question?

Duncan Hunter: If the volunteers in Hillary's henhouse had guns, this would have been over in five seconds. Know what I mean?


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