Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I'm rubber, you're glue

Playground name-calling has a long history in American politics, at least as far back as the editorialists who derided "Ape Lincoln." It's cheap, easy and harmless. I myself admit to having been unable to resist writing about George Wanker Bush -- somehow, it fits. When reasoned discourse has no effect, when the smirking and the outrageous lies go on and on, you have to blow off steam somehow. So I fully understand why Moveon.org couldn't pass up "Petraeus/Betray Us." Yes, they probably should have, at least in ad copy for the New York Times, the Official Paper of People Who Take Themselves Seriously, but I understand. And the only possible response to those currently treating this as an act of high treason is, "Aw, come on."

I'm looking at you, Adolf Giuliani (sorry). I can understand why a chicken-hawk like you doesn't want to remember the Vietnam War, but back then, we used to refer to Petraeus's counterpart as "General Waste-More-Land." I don't recall anybody lisping out a hissy-fit in his defense, including you. He sued Time magazine, but it wasn't over lame jokes about his name, it was something more significant. He didn't care what we called him, and I doubt if Petraeus cares, either, especially since he's probably heard the "joke" before, like when he was twelve. It must be galling to find yourself running second to a faux good ol' boy who's been in the race for less than a month and used to play the unlikeliest Manhattan DA imaginable (and not even that well), but Republicans are fickle. I only hope you haven't ordered your gown for the Inaugural Ball. By the way, I think you were right to skip the "values" forum -- there's no way you could have triumphed with that crowd. Better luck with the gun nuts.

War, climate change, foreclosures, globalization, terrorism, eroding civil liberties, immigration -- these are real concerns for serious adults to address. Voters will respond to those who do so. We don't want to hear any more about Hillary's cleavage, Obama's middle name or Edwards's haircut. Let's add dumb puns to the list. I promise to stop calling you Adolf. Unless you go back to the comb-over AND grow a little mustache. I'm only human.

2 Comments:

Blogger Jackie said...

Hey there,
Governor Pawlenty- aka Good and Plenty. We still have no bridge plan or money. He dumped it all on the woman who thinks that public transportation is not needed here.
Mpls. mayor went to mayor convention- in newspaper, he is publicly embarrassed about how he should be an example of what is to happen and there is no plan and no dough.
I think A. Guliani is a good name for our previous rabid D.A.
Later, Pirate Girl.
xoxo Jackie

6:06 PM  
Blogger M. Bouffant said...

Yes, but how many serious adults do we have left? Certainly none of the presidential candidates, of either party.

12:17 AM  

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