Summer of "Scram!"

For all their talk of "cut and run" Democrats, it's God's Own Party which always seems to have its bags packed and its vaccinations up to date. Just ask Larry "I did not have sex with that policeman" Craig. Although he was defended on television by the usual rogues (DeLay, Buchanan), the leadership couldn't run away from him fast enough. They moved like Dick Cheney getting a draft notice. They moved like Rudolph Giuliani spotting one of Donna Hanover's lawyers. They moved like Willard "Mitt" Romney putting ground between himself and Planned Parenthood. They -- well, you get the idea. David "Tickle me, Elma" Vitter might have suffered the same fate if he weren't from Louisiana, where they have a more relaxed attitude toward family-values senators who like to be powdered and diapered by prostitutes.

In fact, Republicans have been fleeing Washington like Frenchmen in August. Chief Eunuch Rove has returned to Texas to spend more time with -- somebody's family. Tony Snow reports that his cancer hasn't spread, but he plans to quit anyway. (With so much feces emerging from his mouth on a daily basis, why does this guy even need a colon? Sorry, mustn't make fun of the sick. That's Limbaugh's job.) John Warner says he won't run for another term, leaving his Senate seat open to one of Virginia's other guys named Warner. Alberto Gonzales has decided to light out for the territory ahead of the subpoenas. Michael Bloomberg has abandoned the whole sick, sad party and is now an "independent," as every billionaire damn well should be. If the House voted articles of impeachment (small hope), I'll bet they'd scamper away from their little buddy Bush like cockroaches when the kitchen light goes on.

Why the Congressional Democrats haven't been strengthened by all this roof-of-the-embassy panic, I have no idea. They hand Bush billions of dollars for his hopeless war every time he clears his throat. They help him use the last shreds of the Constitution for rolling papers. Their approval rating is lower than wet shit on the bottom of the ocean (as my granddaddy used to say) and it deserves to be. After all this time, don't they know why we held our noses and voted for anti-abortion Democrats, pro-gun Democrats, gay-baiting Democrats and just plain dumb Democrats? IT'S THE WAR, STUPID. If you want our money and our votes, earn them. Or you'll be going home, too.