Day after day

 Welcome to the newest craze, calling in mass bomb threats to historically Black colleges and universities.  Six today, eight earlier this month.  The FBI "is aware," which is a great relief.  Someone really does not want American history taught anywhere.

Remember "restless leg syndrome," the strange health condition which first emerged in those "ask your doctor" pill commercials?  Meet "restless anal syndrome," a consequence of covid.  Only one case has yet been reported, a 77-year-old Japanese man, but everything starts with just one case.

Have you ever called a crisis center to discuss your suicidal feelings?  Does it make you feel better to know the center probably has a for-profit division which sells your "anonymized" details?  Well, there is.  Yes, in Unconscious Village, they've come to steal your dreams.  The Firesign Theater never got enough credit.

Life is unfair.  The gun Kyle Rittenhouse used to kill two people and injure a third will be destroyed, even though he would like it back, please.  No input from Cousin Brucie Schroeder, the judge?  I'm sure the proud manufacturer will give him one.  It's dynamite publicity.

Say hello to Chad Carswell of Hickory, North Carolina.  Chad needs a kidney.  Chad can't get one because it's hospital policy not to waste an organ on someone too dumb to get a covid vaccine.  "There is not a situation in this world that I'll get a vaccine," he told the Washington Post.  Same for D.J. Ferguson in Massachusetts, who needs a heart.  Say goodbye to Chad, and D.J., and the unnamed woman in Colorado whose kidneys have also packed up.  No reason a genetically modified pig should have to die for Trumpanzees.

It's not enough for Americans to be diseased, ignorant and superstitious, the right also wants us infantilized.  First it was "Let's Go Brandon" because they can't say swear words that mean "makin' mommy and daddy love," and now the idiot governor of West Virginia informs Bette Midler that "Babydog says...kiss her hiney."  Yeah, he named his dog "Babydog" and he really thinks the Divine Miss M is going to put up with that.   Well, heck, Jim, you and Babydog can just wait for me in H-E-double hockeysticks.  Also, could you suck shit through a straw?

Now here's a man who knows how to talk trash.  Knew, rather.  Robert LaMay quit the Washington state police after refusing to be vaccinated and told Gov. Jay Inslee, "Kiss my ass."  Yeah, dead.

The McMinn County school board is being thanked by readers who never heard of Maus until they proclaimed it smutty.  It's now the top-ranked book at Amazon.  "It will be a treasured addition to my WWII library," wrote one woman, who apparently overlooked its pornographic qualities.  "The Streisand effect is a phenomenon that occurs when an attempt to hide, remove or censor information has the unintended consequence of increasing awareness of that information," says Wikipedia.  Don't tell the McMinnies.  (Streisand, Spiegelman, Bezos, space lasers...what, no Soros?)

Two can play...Jack Sweeney, 19, created a bot called @Elonjet, which tracks the private plane of Elon Musk and posts updates on its location.  This displeases Musk, who calls it a "security risk" and has offered $5,000 to have it taken down.  Sweeney responded by asking $50,000, so he can get a car ("possibly a Tesla") and pay for college.  Yes, the world's richest bastard is dickering with a kid over thousands.  It's pretty funny.

Even funnier and a lot more significant:  a group of Irish fishermen made the Russian Navy cancel a planned exercise off their southern coast scheduled to begin Thursday.  They announced their intention to fish as usual, and the Russians backed down "as a gesture of goodwill."  It was that easy.

Allison Fluke-Ekren was indicted in Virginia for training women in the use of terrorist weapons.  Her mistake was working for ISIS rather than the Oaf Keepers or 3 Percenters.

She's baaaack!  Michele Bachmann says Sarah Palin should be "commended" for spreading infection in New York because "she's trying to act like a normal human being."  It never worked in the past.  Am I a bad person because I want them both to experience restless anal syndrome?

How slow are the Republiclowns?  They don't know that fake quotes are to be attributed to Churchill, Lincoln or Dorothy Parker.  Instead they're going after Voltaire, of all people.  Like this:  "To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize."  As if.  The old deist had no compunction about criticizing everyone -- it got him a brutal beating once and he had to live outside France.  The words apparently originated with Kevin Strom, described by the Southern Poverty Law Center as "the only true intellectual remaining in the American neo-Nazi movement."  In other words, someone Voltaire wouldn't spit on with someone else's saliva.  But a big influence on aspiring neo-Nazis like Thomas Massie, who used it to praise disinformation hustler Joe Rogan and again disparage Anthony Fauci ("he is science," he sneered, a claim Fauci would never make).  Oh, and Strom did 23 months for possessing images of children being abused.  Strange how fascism and pedophilia seem to crop up together.

Speaking of abused children, how are the young Massies enjoying their Christmas presents?  Have they shot anyone yet, or are they tired of them already and playing with the ammo boxes instead?  How would you like to find one of these punks enrolled in your child's school?  

Baby Tuckoo isn't just a propagandist for Russian imperialism.  He's also a professional racist!  I'll bet you're surprised.  For once, though, Lindsey Graham is on a different page, saying he'll support Joe Biden's nomination of a Black woman to the Court -- especially if it's J. Michelle Childs, a federal district judge in South Carolina.  Awkward!

Lunar New Year arrives tomorrow, and the tweet from Empty Greene calling it "satanic and sick" will arrive on Wednesday.  Have a couple.  Xin nian hao!