Mandatory minimum

Is anything a crime anymore?  Multiple murder in Wisconsin -- no problem.  Perjury -- standard procedure at a Senate confirmation hearing (attorney general, Supreme Court justice, whatever).  Treason, you get a statue.

Rape used to be a crime but not in Adam County, Illinois, at least in the courtroom of Robert Adrian.  Last October Drew Clinton, 18, was convicted of raping a 16-year-old at a party, which used to carry a minimum sentence of four years.  Last week Adrian decided he had suffered enough after 148 days in the county jail and sent him home.  "For what happened in this case, that is plenty of punishment."  The victim disagrees, but she would.  Chicks, right?  Why was she there if she didn't want it?

Prince Andrew's lawyers wish they could transfer his case to Judge Adrian.  Yesterday Judge Lewis Kaplan ruled that Virginia Giuffre's lawsuit against the prince can proceed, and today Andrew was busted down to "private citizen."  The Queen took back all his military affiliations and royal privileges at the request of more than 150 veterans.  He can't even style himself "His Royal Highness" anymore.  And the case has yet to be heard.  

Before you gloat, be advised:  Mike Lindell has "all the pieces of the puzzle."  In other words, "We have enough evidence to put everybody in prison for life, 300 and some million people."  FLEE!  ALL IS DISCOVERED!  Let's meet up at the hideout.  

Stewart Rhodes, founder of the Oaf Keepers and shooter-out of his own eye, has been charged with seditious conspiracy for his role in the Trump Putsch.  This carries a possible penalty of twenty years but in the present climate, Stewie is unlikely to miss an episode of Jersey Shore.

Ye (that's Kanye West to you) has not been charged but is a suspect in the assault that occurred in front of Los Angeles's Soho Warehouse this morning.  A fan allegedly requested an autograph.  You don't do that to Ye.

Former corrections officer Brandon Price was convicted of raping a female inmate at Franklin County, Kentucky, Regional Jail.  Judge Thomas Wingate sentenced him to two years at that very facility OR he can re-join the military.  Just what they need, more rapists.

On his way out the door, Virginia attorney general Mark Herring admitted that Virginia Beach police have been using fake DNA results to link suspects to crimes.  Well, it's probably better than beating confessions out of them.

What about forgery?  Is forgery a crime?  In the weeks after Trump lost, conspirators in Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, New Mexico and Nevada sent fake certificates to the National Archives to make it look like he won those states.  I'm sure the Justice Department will get on this as soon as they investigate Melania's application for an "Einstein visa."

I didn't know he was a Constitutional scholar but I was wrong.  Eric Trump says Letitia James's investigation of Daddy and Daddy's business "violates the Constitution" because she is a Democrat.  She campaigned on a promise to "lock him up."  No, wait, I'm confused.  That was Daddy threatening Hillary Clinton.  Anyway, they're coming for James with "the best legal, ethical minds."  Which reminds me, the January 6 Committee would like to talk to Rudolph Giuliani.  Haven't seen him around lately.  Rehab?

America's Pravda has been using this picture to dramatize the breakdown of all commerce and impending famine caused by Joe Biden being old and demented.  Except somebody made a few clicks and discovered it's from 2011, when supermarkets in Japan were emptied by the Fukushima tsunami and nuclear meltdown.  Uncle Rupert nearly got away with it.  I love the internet.