From the desk of

 With so much to memorialize -- happy birthday, Orson Welles! -- I neglected to welcome the newest resident of Blogenheim.  Please greet www.donaldjtrump.com/desk.  (You need a link?  I forgot how to do that.)

The Forty-fifth and Forever President was banned from Twitter and Facebook after inciting the January 6 coup attempt, and yesterday Facebook's hastily convened "Oversight Board" banned him again (this is starting to look like the Georgia recount).  Nothing daunted, only four months later he's back! with one of these blog things the kids are all buzzing about, issuing proclamations "From the Desk of Donald J. Trump."  We don't know who does the transcribing -- he's afraid of computers -- but the topic hasn't changed since November:  the election was stolen through the cowardice of Mike Pence, Mitch McConnell and punching bag du jour Liz Cheney,  the English language exists to be pummeled with random Capitalizations, and Donald has left the building.  Not really, he hasn't stirred from Xanadu II in weeks, but the site does not accept comments, only donations.  

It also seems a little light on visual interest, so I found this in the archives:

Spare a thought for Mike Lindell, whose own media platform is scheduled to lift off May 10 with the avowed purpose of re-installing Trump in the White House by August.  That's when the Supreme Court will take a look at his "evidence" and issue a warrant for Joe Biden's arrest -- oh, hell, execution -- and order a procession of cheerleaders flinging rose petals to lead Trump in triumph back home.  Please help me, I'm trapped inside Mike's head and it smells weird and I think I'm allergic to crystal meth.  Meanwhile, who's going to visit his new site if they can get the real thing?  A loyal henchman deserves better.

Lindell should learn from the experience of another loyal henchman, Rudolph Giuliani, subject of last week's dawn raid by the FBI.  Like Lindell, Lin Wood and Sidney Powell, he's being sued by the two voting technology companies they slandered for something north of a billion dollars, but that's not the worst of it.  Although putatively a super smart lawyer himself, Giuliani has retained four new lawyers, including two retired judges, to defend him regarding whatever the feds are finding on his computers and phones.  In other words, criminal charges.   His problem now seems to be paying for them; the RNC won't help him out and of course he never saw a nickel of the $400,000 Trump was supposed to pony up for all those electoral challenges and amusing press conferences and flatulent committee hearings.  What do you expect?  He had no more luck than the rest of the merry pranksters in overturning the vote.  Oh, Rudolph, broke, drunk and convicted is not a good look for you, even without the brown stains.  Have you considered starting a blog?

There's a new generation of loyal henchmen.  Exactly four months ago Lauren Boebert was letting the other Trumpanzees know where to locate Nancy Pelosi; now she's threatening Facebook for its insult to the Forever President, promising to "rein in" Big Tech because "free-speech hating fascist Democrats" won't.  Earlier she deleted a post that threatened, "They will pay!"  (She's going to lure Mark Zuckerberg to her restaurant and serve him pork sliders with a side of bloody diarrhea.)

Another victim of Cancel Culture is Josh Hawley  He's so cancelled, he can't get Ben Mankiewicz to interview him on TCM about his book.  Everyplace else it's pretty much wall-to-wall Hawley.  I haven't seen such a media blitz since Tiger Woods totaled his car.  

Javon Pulitzer is a name you may be unfamiliar with, though he's described as a treasure hunter and an inventor.  He's also helping out with the Arizona "audit" where, and you can't make this up, they've decided that 40,000 fake ballots were smuggled in from China and they mean to "prove" it by finding bamboo fibers in the paper.  I told you.  Panda paper, people, direct from the Central Committee.  Pulitzer "invented" the machine that "finds" the bamboo -- listen, can I skip the rest of the quotation marks? -- and can tell which Chinese province the bamboo came from.  I see a Medal of Freedom in Javon's future.  One day a prize for journalism will be named for...what?  There is?

Can't top that.