R U Pumped?

For days the cable newsies have been promoting Joe Biden's first State of the Union as if it were the Superbowl, and for them I suppose it is.  It won't start for another forty-five minutes at least, but the disloyal opposition have already released their response, Senator Tim Scott being the designated ventriloquist doll.  Blah blah Trump is responsible for all the good stuff blah blah...say, I wonder if he'd like to play golf with The Great Man?  Lindsey Graham was on the Fox hustling for bucks again, this time promising, "You have lunch, you have breakfast with President [sic] Trump, you get a photo, you play at his golf course in Florida.  It's going to be a lot of fun," he added desperately.  Will Mar a Loser admit Scott?  Will Trump assume he's the new waiter?  Will he call him "Tom" again?  Find out.

The Speaker and the Vice President are standing on the podium defiantly being women.  No one can color-coordinate a face mask like Pelosi.  The members are filing in, no bullshit about sidearms tonight.  Socially distanced seating, masks obligatory.  Same for the Supremes.  According to tradition and that episode of The West Wing, one member of the Cabinet remains in the White House ready to assume the presidency if there's a more successful coup this time.  I hope it's Deb Haaland.

Should I unmute and listen to Brian and Joy and Rachel?  Why is Steve Kornacki pointing at numbers?  Put your jacket on, you look like Gym Jordan.

Rather listen to the crowd noises on C-SPAN.  Rhubarbrhubarbrhubarb...I see Biden's using a Teleprompter.  Because of the dementia.  Four years of ad lib lunacy.  We're back, baby!

"Second gentleman" is a jarringly awkward designation for the Vice President's husband.  How about plain Mr. Emhoff?  

Achievements.  Vaccines distributed.  Relief bill passed.  Additional ACA signups.

Jobs, jobs, jobs.  It reminds me of a Warner Brothers musical about the Depression.  Remember my forgotten man.  You put a rifle in his hand.  I wonder if he'll mention the Afghanistan pull-out.  

Mitt Romney claps.  "John Kennedy" drops his mask.  Defiance.  Impressive. 

A pitch for unions.  Maybe it is a Warner Brothers musical.  If there were people in the gallery they could form Joe's face by holding up cards, followed by the NRA eagle.  (That's National Recovery Act, not the murder lobby.)

Last year at this time an immigrant from Slovenia with dicey documents was hanging a medal on a hate monger.  Change.

"Let's end cancer as we know it.  It's within our power."  Didn't Nixon talk this one up, just before he was distracted by being caught doing criminal acts?

"Win the twenty-first century" is a big, windy slogan but what does it mean?  Win it from who?  Lots of mentions of China.

Four years of college, guaranteed pre-school, where am I, Germany?

Lower prescription drug costs?  I was told Biden would ban meat!  

Oh, I hope he works in the FBI raid on casa Giuliani!  He won't but I can dream.

I still don't hear anything about a national health service (or even "single payer").  With that we wouldn't need to worry about the ACA or drug prices or all the bankruptcies caused by medical bills.  

"Trickle-down economics has never worked."  Also, the sea tastes salty.  Obvious, but after four years of hallucinatory flatulence, isn't it good to hear simple facts?  From a man in a suit that fits?  

A pitch for the George Floyd Justice in Policing Act.

And the transgendered:  "Your president has your back."  I'm dizzy.

"White supremacy is terrorism."  I need to go lie down.

Ah, the right to vote.  The key to all the rest.  As the "audit" continues in Arizona.  Not content with rigging 2022, they want to keep undermining 2020.

Did he really finish with "Thank you for your patience"?  Clinton routinely went longer and said less, and as for Trumbert Trumbert...Give 'em hell, Joe!

He's chatting with Bernie Sanders, who is probably kvetching that something was left out.  I can't imagine what.  Politics, somebody said, is the art of the possible, but if you don't demand everything you won't get anything.  

(If Tim Scott wants to go home early, they can put on a record:  We don't want no education, We don't want no thought control...)

Good night and good luck.