Salmagundi

 (Middle French for mish-mash)

"I just had my second Moderna shot.  When will my mind start being controlled by Bill Gates?" asks Andy Borowitz.  It's much better than that -- soon you will mind-meld with Dolly Parton.

This is not the day for buccaneer entrepreneurs like Gates and Musk.  In Texas, a speeding, driverless Tesla hit a tree and burst into flames.  I thought they were electric. 

Also driverless, a NASA helicopter lifted off from the surface of Mars, flew up ten feet, hovered and landed.  The flight lasted thirty seconds.  What's the difference between a robot helicopter and a drone?

Jeff Fortenberry (R-NE) is bored, so he decided to activate his "panic button" to see how long it took Capitol Police to respond.  People get arrested for calling 911 to find out who won the Steelers-Bears game, but this guy is still free.

It's always funny when a covid-denying Trumpanzee gets covid.  Today's laughingstock:  Ted Nugent.  Warning:  Facebook post contains racism and whining.

"Today is what you might call a very unofficial American holiday," Chuck Schumer said this afternoon, and for an awful moment I thought he meant the twenty-second anniversary of the Columbine High School massacre.  For another awful moment I thought he meant the event that Klebold and Harris chose to commemorate.  I cleared my head and read on:  Schumer was talking about reviving the federal effort to legalize marijuana, or if you like, repeal weed prohibition, which worked about as well as alcohol prohibition and damaged as many lives.  

The jury is back, and it's going to be a memorable April 20 one way or another.