Entered as third-class matter

 (With apologies and respect to S.J. Perelman, il miglior fabbro)

Joe Biden couldn't have chosen a better day to announce his gun-control initiatives.  The mass shootings are coming so fast I can't keep track of them.  Today it was former NFL player Phillip Adams.  Yesterday a Navy medic shot two sailors in Maryland.  Wayne LaPierre had better grab the next yacht headed for the Bahamas...Hahaha!  Andrew Giuliani thinks he can defeat Andrew Cuomo and become governor of New York in time to pardon Dad and Uncle Don.  But only if a significant portion of voters believe all Italian names look alike...Researchers think Parkinson's may be spiking because of a chemical called trichloroethylene, which is in everything from shoe polish to industrial cleaner.  Exactly how many Superfund sites are there?...Belfast has broken out in violence as Northern Ireland prepares to celebrate, if that's the word, its establishment in 1921...Ted Nugent, who's "addicted to truth, logic and common sense," wants to know why he wasn't prevented from touring by Covids 1-18.  I assume he has forsaken music for comedy.  Watch out, Larry the Cable Guy!...No sooner was Pushpika de Silva crowned Mrs. Sri Lanka than last year's winner Caroline Jurie snatched the crown off her head and was arrested for assault.  It's good to know there's a place that still knows what's important...The survival of the human species is threatened not by climate change or nuclear weapons, but by people who identify as transgender.  According to Tucker Carlson and his crackpot guest, anyway...If you can't scam 'em, scare 'em.  This appears on the NRCC webpage:

Give us your money or we'll shoot this dog.  (Was that National Lampoon?)  "Get Trump to run" is delicious.  I picture them lined up for miles like the Russians in Eisenstein's Ivan the Terrible imploring the tsar to return to Moscow.

Send the tumbrel for Lt. Gov. Geoff Duncan (R-GA) who blames Trump and Giuliani for the state's war on voting rights.  I hope he has a safe house picked out and stocked with food...Amazon is challenging hundreds of ballots in the Bessemer, Alabama, unionization vote, so it looks like the union won.  If the recount doesn't go their way there's always Sidney Powell and her kraken...Kaitlin Jenner, Matthew McConaughey, Lara Trump, Sarah Sanders, it's silly season for silly people attracting attention to their possible, proposed, maybe-kinda candidacies.  Where could they have got the idea that any doofus can -- never mind...It took months for the news of Lee's surrender to reach Texas, hence Juneteenth.  Tomorrow is the 156th anniversary of said surrender, and some people still haven't heard.