A few buttons short of a cardigan

 You're mad.  I'm mad.  We're all mad.

Jimmy Patronis is Florida's Chief Financial Officer.  Most states have a comptroller or a treasurer, but let that go.  Patronis has written to the International Olympic Committee to say that Florida is ready to step in if Tokyo decides to opt out of next summer's games.  Florida has had nearly two million cases of covid and over 26,000 deaths.  Tokyo has had 95,500 cases and 793 deaths.  Of course, Tokyo lacks anyone like dynamic Governor Ron DeSantis, who is so desperate to downplay the catastrophe that he is pursuing a criminal case against whistleblower Rebekah Jones.  According to sport economist Victor Matheson, there is no way Florida could complete the required structures by next summer just to boost the state's economy and fill its empty hotel rooms.  Not to mention it's too damn hot in the summer.

Mellissa Carone has announced her candidacy for the Michigan House of Representatives.  She was introduced to America as Giuliani's star witness at a committee hearing in Lansing, where she claimed to be a contractor for Dominion Voting Systems.  It turned out she was hired for election day to spritz and wipe the voting machines between uses.  Also, some mean people said she appeared to be drunk.  Undaunted, Carone promises to "clean out Lansing just like draining the swamp in D.C."

About that swamp.  Millions of coronavirus doses allegedly shipped to the states appear to be missing, leading to cancelled appointments and harried officials.  Sure, some of that is rich people pulling strings, but not twenty million vials.

Ted Wheeler, the mayor of Portland, was outside a pub after dining with former mayor Sam Adams when they were confronted by a man with a video camera demanding to know why they were not wearing masks.  When he ignored a request to back off, Wheeler pepper-sprayed him.  Tempers are frayed in Oregon.  I remember when only women carried pepper spray.

Victoria Gagliardo-Silver wants it known that the Biden administration's plan to put Harriet Tubman on the twenty is Not Acceptable To Her.  First they need to address police brutality, the high birth mortality rate among Black women, disproportionate covid deaths, economic inequality and the lead-polluted water in Flint, Michigan.  She's right, the Tubman twenty is a symbolic gesture, like removing Confederate statues and re-naming military bases.  Should we cancel those things, too?

The TSA reports that there were fewer passengers last year but more of them brought guns.  

Under fire for her support of impeachment, Liz Cheney goes on the offensive.  Her spokesperson said of one of her attackers, "Matt Gaetz can leave his beauty bag at home.  In Wyoming the men don't wear makeup."  Cat-fight on Aisle Two!  Do Biggs next!

Ghislaine Maxwell's lawyers want her case thrown out because the grand jury that indicted her was not ethnically diverse enough.  (She was indicted in White Plains because of covid restrictions in Manhattan.)  Since grand juries are a rubber-stamp procedure after prosecutors decide to make a case -- proverbially against a ham sandwich -- this is not going anywhere.  Trump wished her well but forgot to issue a pardon.  As the star of Home Alone 2, at least in his own mind, he knows there's always someone you forget in the rush to the airport.  

As Russians demonstrate their support for Alexei Navalny and risk arrest and worse, Dutch teenagers are rioting because they don't like the covid curfew. 

Where are they now?  Larry Kudlow has been hired by Fox News but talks with Kayleigh McEnany appear to have broken down.  Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who does not meet Fox's journalistic standard for on-air women, is running for governor of Arkansas.  It's a living.

I didn't even know there was a U.S. Space Command.  I thought it was like the Garden of Statues of Noble Americans that Trump was maundering on about last July at Mount Rushmore.  Well, it's real and it's in Colorado, and their entire Congressional delegation is lobbying President Biden to cancel a proposed move to Alabama.  Maybe Joe could cut a deal where they have to leave their guns at home when they come to work.  It's a small price to pay for all those jobs.