Secrets and lies

Trump has a lot of lawyers doing his bidding, but with the possible exception of Alan Dershowitz they're all as dumb as cream cheese.  Michael Cohen is back in prison because he broke the terms of his house arrest for a French meal.  Bill Barr didn't get the memo and called the Roger Stone conviction "righteous."  And now Rudolph Giuliani has revealed that Trump's taxes are all done being "audited," which was always the lame excuse for concealing them.  But then he caught himself and blurted out an even crazier excuse:  they must be protected from "Soros-elected anarchist district attorneys."  With a little time and some Adderall he could have worked "Antifa" and "kung flu" in there.  C+, Rudolph.

Trump knows who did the pandemic to him, and it's ALL OF THEM.  He passed along a tweet from epidemiologist game show host Chuck Woolrey identifying the plotters:  "The Centers for Disease Control, media, Democrats, our doctors...I think it's all about the election, and keeping the economy from coming back."  He forgot the Houston Chronicle and yesterday's 43-page obituary supplement.  Probably most of those people were frightened to death by Black Lives Matter.  (Elsewhere in Texas, a baby boy died of covid, despite Senator Cornyn's belief that children are not affected.)

America's own game show host thought of another reason he should be voted for:  Biden is boring.  Re-tweeting a portion of a Biden speech he demands, "Is this what you want for your President???  With no ratings, media will go down along with our great USA!"  Actually we survived eight years of a highly intelligent and charismatic president who rarely tweeted.  When he did, he managed to avoid threats, bluster, demented conspiracy theories, personal attacks, childish nicknames, whinging self-pity, easily disproved lies, racism, misogyny and incitement to violence, not to mention self-aggrandizement, bad spelling and tin-eared howlers like "HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!"  Biden lacks charisma but I think he can manage the rest.  And the media Trump cares so much about will survive, especially with plenty of juicy criminal prosecutions to cover (see "Soros-elected anarchist district attorneys").  I can't wait.

Meanwhile, Biden isn't the only one beating Trump in the polls -- Americans trust Anthony Fauci over him when it comes to disease.  In response, the courtiers "leaked" a memo using selective quotations to prove Fauci --  "Dr. Doom and Gloom" -- has been wrongly wrong.  Debbie Birx is shopping for more scarves and Jerome Powell is as effective as a sitcom dad, so Fauci has become the focus for Trumpazoid abuse.  It's not clear what he would gain by lying, but sure, blame him and China.  All better now, apart from the 137,000 dead.  That's what it took to get Trump into a damn mask for less than an hour, and the media can't stop talking about it.  What will they do the first time he climbs into a condom?  (Although Florida has more coronavirus cases than most countries, Fox talker Dan Bongino issued a warning to the compulsory-mask fascists:  "You can take your mask mandate and shove it right up your ass."  Well, you can, but unless you talk through your ass...oh, wait.) 

Eppur si muove, Galileo is supposed to have muttered after endorsing the Catholic Church's position that the sun revolves around a stationary earth.  Nevertheless, it moves.  Showing him the rack was certainly persuasive, as it always has been for dumb dictatorships.  If we survive this and other trials -- hey, a boy just died of bubonic plague in western Mongolia -- truth will prevail.  I have to believe that, or the blue imps will come back.