Felonious Friday

Republican op Rick Wilson shared this with the comment "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills."  No, Rick, but you are through the looking glass.  I'm mad.  You're mad.  Have some tea.

How is a raven like a writing-desk?  Well, how is a convention like a covid-party?  Trump hates New York very much, says all the real Americans are leaving for Florida.  He and his friends still plan to meet up in Jacksonville on August 23 for the MAGApalooza of the century.  Problem is, Florida breaks its own record for infection and death every day, and while that's absolutely fine with Gov. Ron "Open 'er up" DeSantis, the city has all these bummer rules about filling the hall to 50 percent capacity only and making people wear those masks that hate the troops.  So there's talk of moving the party outdoors, maybe to the place where the Jaguars play.  What with the heat and humidity, and the possibility of tropical storms, and the paucity of hotel rooms, I'll bet nobody even thinks about dying from covid.  In other words, it will go away just like a miracle.  And there's the Republican platform:  "I Believe in Miracles."  Who's got that Hot Chocolate album?

Strangely, a lot of Republicans have already RSVP'd their regrets.  Mitt Romney, who wants to replace John McCain as the non-maverick maverick, won't be there.  Pat Roberts and Lamar Alexander don't have to come because they're retiring.  Susan Collins is also retiring, she just doesn't know it.  Lisa Murkowski is pretending she never heard of anybody called Sump, and Mitch the Leader has to show some friends around the Jim Beam distillery, it's the only day they're open.  Joe Scarborough used to represent Florida but -- no.  Arnold Schwarzenegger is unavailable.  And based on the above tweet, don't look for Ann Coulter.  Segue to "It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To." 

And whine, and complain, and boast.  Once again Trump wants us to know he passed a cognitive test "in front of doctors" two years ago, and there's just no way Biden could "ace" it the way he did.  The doctors gasped in admiration, or something.  I would be fine with replacing one debate with a basic-knowledge quiz administered by Alex Trebek.  "Constitutional amendments for ten electoral votes, please, Alex."

To the surprise of no one, Roger Stone's "righteous" conviction has been commuted.  Trump answers prayers when other gods don't.  Hallelujah.

When The Lincoln Project goes low, MeidasTouch.com goes lower.  I don't know who they are but "Creepy Trump" is my favorite political ad ever, just in time for Mary's book. 

Covid is devastating many states, including Florida, where the ICUs are at full capacity.  (Where's that hospital ship?)  Impersonating a responsible leader, Trump rushed to Ft. Lauderdale to attend a campaign event about drug trafficking while demanding that schools reopen within weeks.  He is totally ignoring the "Chinese hoax virus," which should make it go away.  Unfortunately, the novel coronavirus does not seem to give a solitary fuck about American exceptionalism.  It sees all humans as nothing but a means to be fruitful and multiply.  There's no state more Trump-licious than Mississippi, where covid has infected at least 26 state legislators who don't believe in masks.  And Texas -- oh, what's the point?  Disney World is re-opening soon, in case you want to spend your last day out breathing virus into Mickey's face. 

In the "no shit" department, Mayor Erin Mendenhall of Salt Lake City observed, "It has become increasingly apparent in our city and across the nation that there is a difference between what so many feel is morally correct, and what is considered appropriate and justified under the law."  It certainly sounds like she does not agree with the district attorney's decision not to indict the police who shot Bernardo Palacios Carbajal more than a dozen times on May 23.  Protesters agreed with the mayor and broke a few windows, whereupon Governor Gary Herbert declared a state of emergency in the city.  Maybe curfews will save some lives, at least.

Cindy Thomas does not believe Black Lives Matter.  Well, she is married to Coke-can Clarence.

Did your small company (ten or fewer employees) receive a Paycheck Protection Program loan?  McEnany Roofing did, despite employing more than a hundred people.  Their daughter Kayleigh is not one of them -- she works for a different grifter.  Others include Kanye West, Ice Cube, implacable foe of big government Grover Norquist, Devin Nunes's winery, various Kushner interests and, surprisingly, Planned Parenthood.  When the Senate returns from its current vacation, Moscow Mitch has promised to make it rain for more hard-pressed Americans, living and dead.

Anthony Fauci couldn't help bragging that he hasn't talked to Trump since June 2.  It must be a great relief.

Merriam-Webster says "irregardless" is a word.  This stodgy grammarian says shove it.