Answered questions

I never got my $1,200 "stimulus" payment, and now I know why:  the Treasury Department paid over a billion dollars to dead people.  (The stimulus failed, as they are still dead.)  The IRS has requested that they return the checks.  Guys, they're dead.  The information comes from the Government Accountability Office, which works for Congress and which Trump cannot fire, although he'll probably try.

Even though every poll except Mother Pence's Bible Circle shows Trump losing to Biden, the right-wing Law and Justice Party thought some White House buffing would help Andrzej Duda get re-elected president of Poland.  Trump is sending him some US troops he removed from Germany because Angela Merkel is a big doody-head.  The next distinguished guest will be Kosovo president and accused war criminal Hashim Thaci.  Maybe Trump will give him one of his great lawyers, like Giuliani.  Michael Cohen is still doing house arrest.

It has been only one month since George Floyd's death, but it feels like this country has changed utterly.  Some people, however, still can't breathe.  NYPD Officer David Afanador was suspended without pay for using a chokehold on Richard Bellevue.  Three staff members at the Lakeside Academy in Kalamazoo, Michigan, have been indicted in the death of Cornelius Fredericks, a 16-year-old they "restrained" by kneeling on his chest.  Elijah McClain was walking home when police in Aurora, Colorado, stopped him, put him in a chokehold and injected him with ketamine, a powerful anesthetic which caused cardiac arrest.  Someone had called 911 because he was wearing a ski mask, which is odd in August but hardly a crime.  Although the police were cleared of wrongdoing, Governor Jared Polis says he will re-open the case.  All it took was a petition with two million signatures.  Meanwhile, the police chief of Tucson offered his resignation after an excruciating video surfaced of Carlos Ingram-Lopez being suffocated last April.  Cleveland, if you're listening, today would have been the eighteenth birthday of Tamir Rice.  There is no statute of limitations on murder.

Of course, coronavirus has killed more Americans than the police and is on course to continue killing us without much interference from the federal government.  In "What the fuck now?" news, CDC director Robert Redfield says there are probably ten undiagnosed cases for every one confirmed by testing.  Governor Greg Abbott says he will "pause" the reopening in Texas, where several thousand people get covid every day, just as Dr. Fauci and everyone else with actual knowledge of disease predicted months ago.  (Has anyone seen Deborah Birx lately?)  If Trump has his way we'll never get out of this mess -- he still thinks the only problem is a statistical one and the solution is to slow the testing.  Which was a joke until it wasn't.  The sociopathic narcissist is much more worried about the granite likeness of Albert Pike than human life.  By the way, two Secret Service agents who worked the Greatest Rally of All Time came back from Tulsa with coronavirus, so Trump is probably bathing in Purell at this point.

He's also determined to have a fireworks display on Mount Rushmore, the largest monument to Injun hatin' presidents in the country, from the sculptor who gave us the Stone Mountain Treason Memorial.  Nick Tilsen of the Oglala Lakota tribe has called it a celebration of "structural racism," but with the added benefit this year of spreading coronavirus and possibly touching off wildfires, the only word is Trumptastic.  A speech about "kung flu" would be the icing on the yellowcake.

In his most heartbreaking bid yet for the sociopathic narcissist's favor, Donnie Jr. has proposed replacing toppled statues with likenesses of the Old Man.  Already on it, Junior.